I've been slack, but help please! :)

Hey everyone sorry I have been so slack lately, I really thought that going back to my normal work hours would mean I had more energy, but that was a joke. Hahah.

So today I am 18 weeks exactly, it all seems to just be creeping up to that 20 mark, half way uh oooh.
People always say "it doesn't feel like halfway though because there's about 5 weeks you didn't know" and I just feel like saying "actually I was struggling to conceive so those 5 weeks you "missed" were infact the longest 5 of this whole thing!"

Anyway, I will do a proper weekly update HOPEFULLY tomorrow as I don't have anything planned tomorrow monring, but for now I am wanting some advice from all you lovely people. :)

I am going to post some links and want to get your thoughts etc on a few different things.

Item 1) Travel system, has anybody used/heard about the Chicco Travel Systems? I am liking the Cortina one a bit more I think, but just wanted to get some advice on whether it was good/bad/heavy/waste of money etc.
If you haven't heard of them, is there a travel system you would recommend? (I live in Hobbitland thou so may not be able to get the same stuff here :( )

Chicco Cortina System

Chicco Trevi System


Item 2) Cloth Diapers. Whose good, whose bad, who leaks? Etc. I LOVE the patterns that I found on this Luv Earth facebook page, but would love to get some feedback. :)
Luv Earth Diapers

Item 3) BABY NAMES :D I am just wanting maybe some suggestions on names I haven't got on my list that may be similar or something I might like. Let me know, I am keen to hear ANYTHING as you never know what you may like. :)  I do already have my faves but I'll let you know them later when we find out what bub is
My Baby Name Ideas


So PLEASE let me know what your opinions etc are, I am open to hear anything and just want to get some background info on these things.
Thanks In Advance, :)

So Busy! + Weekly Update

Wow, I have been SO busy lately with work I just haven't had time to be on here! But things are getting back to normal now for about another 5 weeksish. Over Summer (winter to you in America) I won't have much time at all but I will attempt my best at getting on here. :)

So whats been happening? Well...I've still been feeling baby move. :) Finally my MS is all gone and eating food is no longer a hassle, I can eat whatever. Doesn't have to be exactly what I want at the time, but I still get strong cravings every now and then for some things.

My belly has popped! I'm so excited, I can't wait till its a bit more pronounced so I can look properly "pregnant" to those who don't know me.  Those who are on my FB and saw my latest pic reckon I am 'perky' and 'high set' which makes me happy, I really would love a girl... but I'm just happy I get a baby!

I have been looking around at cots, prams, carseats, bouncers... and I have found the pram and bouncer I want. I know the style of cot I want, just trying to find a good not too expensive one. As for carseats, I am damn picky! Haha.
If anybody has any good recommendations PLEASE let me know, or if there are any brands I should avoid also let me know. :)



How Far Along? Today makes me 16 weeks exactly.


How big is baby? Baby is now an avocado! Woo, getting big.

How I'm feeling? MUCH better :) Still get tired and sore, but a lot better than I was.

Weight? N/A, I might take this out as nobody will weigh me until the end.

How I'm changing? Very forgetful, belly popped, boobs still growing.. 

What I miss? Atm, nothing. :)

Symptoms?  Tired, hungry all the time

Aversions?  Mince, not a fan... 

Meds? None atm. 

Appts? Midwife is 6 Dec, and scan dates will be mid-Dec but no date set yet. :)

Gas ?

As I sit here and go to write to you all, I just can't stop releasing gas! This is possibly a good sign after last night, which I will begin to explain.

Last night I came home fully prepared to do Date Night with DP as he'd requested earlier in the week. DP didn't finish till near 7pm, and in he rocked with a box of bourbons and his best friend in tow. Conclusion: Someone forgot about date night.
Little while later DP asks if I left car outside for a reason, i reminded him of said Date Night and he had totally forgotten. I didn't mind as by time he got home I was exhausted, but the thing that gets me is how he brings home workmates/friends occasionally on a week night. I have explained to him I usually am shattered and just want it to be us to relax and weekend is friend time, but no he still does it.

Well he had to go pick something up for work the next day so he and BF went to get that while I had a shower.
Normally Im not a fan of showers as I get sore feet standing so long, but last night it turned to hell.
I went to get out the shower and noticed my stomach was quite sore, it quickly progressed to the "OMG must sit down NOW" stage and whenever I sat it eased, but standing it just felt tight and sore.

Me, being me, I then proceeded to lie on the couch and go through all my days food and activity and possible things that may have caused my pain and whether I had just given myself a miscarriage. Yes, thats right I believed I was about to experience yet another miscarriage.

Turns out I'm not as "safe" feeling about this baby as I first thought. :(

This morning I woke up and still felt a bit off and heavy, but since I've been farting I haven't been feeling so bad.

This has not meant my miscarriage fears are gone however, as the other night lying in bed I noticed I kept getting these sensations that I wondered were they baby or was it gas from all the coke I had drunk (BIG craving that night). Then I read D's post here and I realised I was feeling the same stuff she was!
It WAS baby, baby had just been awokened by all the damn Coca Cola it made me drink! Me and DP found it quite funny about that craving as DP is a lover of coke and I am always telling him he drinks too much, so we began joking that baby was taking after him.

Last night however, I didnt feel those same sensations. And now all I want more than anything is to be at that stage where I can feel baby strongly and all the time. I'm only 15 weeks, so I know it's normal to not feel that yet espec with first baby... but I can't help it!

What do you all reckon? Was this round ligament pain? Was it just gas? Or just random pain?  As the time ticks by without anymore serious pain or bleeding I feel safer, but I still want to know what it was, I want to know baby is safe!

So slooow

Time is going so slooooowly. I am 14 weeks and ..... erm, 4ish days I think? I have lost track.

What's new in my life?
Well DP is getting right up my nose. In the past 3 weeks he has forgotten twice to put out the bins in the morning, and that is a disaster here because one week is the Big bin, then the next is the glass, then the big bin, then glass etc etc. And he remembered only the glass bin... NOT the one that NEEDS to be emptied.
I text him this morning to let him know he had forgotten again, and that I don't know how he forgot since all the neighbours bins are out and they are bright orange. He had to walk past one to get into his work car. :/
I wouldn't mind as much, except he had already been annoying me with his laziness. I feel like he thinks I am already on maternity leave and have nothing better to do than clean up after him. Leaving his stuff wherever it dropped, leaving food and allsorts on the kitchen bench, toothpaste all over the bathroom sink, marks in the toilet.... urgh its never ending.
I actually sat here and cried this morning as our lounge/kitchen is open plan and so the smells of food from the kitchen just float through to the lounge and make me feel less than ideal aswell.

I am also getting sick of everyone asking me "Can you feel it move yet?" No. No I cannot, and when I can I will be sure to let the world know my excitement, but for now shut up and let me sit in anticipation. They have asked me so often that now I feel like perhaps I should be feeling it, and why aren't I? When will I? Is baby ok? Thank you dear people for scaring me.

I'm not sure whether its just me, but I HATE it when people who have already had children feel the need to tell you "oh you'll feel this and this will happen" "have you done this yet?" "i can't wait till you ____". Seriously, I am so glad you enjoyed your pregnancy, but I too would like to enjoy the fact this is my first pregnancy and I would like to discover everything BY MYSELF. They are sucking the excitement out of it for me.

So this post has accidentally turned into a moaning blog, woops. I am sorry, but there are some good things going on. :)

I have found myself getting a little bigger and I enjoy just sitting or lying and rubbing my belly, it just feels nice. I hope baby inside feels it too.

I am going away on a girls weekend at the end of the month with my mum, aunty and cousins. We all get along fantastic and my eldest cousin is bringing along 3 of her kids, and the youngest one is only a few months old. I am pretty damn excited to spend time with him and know that soon I'll have one of my own! Does mean I won't be able to jump on the motorbikes, but I shall survive. :) Plus, getting away to relax will be amazing! I should be 17 weeks by then, and have myself a cute bump that people will not be able to mistake for fat. Hahaha, plus it will be Summer! YAY, my favourite season.

Well I think this post is pretty long, so I shall leave it there. Hope you are all enjoying life, and FX for some more BFPs soon!

Woops Bit Late..

Realised I haven't done a Weekly Update for weeks 12 or 13 !


How Far Along? Latest scan makes me now 14w+1day


How big is baby? Week 13 baby was a peach :)

How I'm feeling? Tired! I am so much more tired, and everyone kept saying Id have more energy. Liars. :(

Weight? Nobody wants to weigh me, so I shall plug in my Wii later and check myself.

How I'm changing? Belly growing, otherwise I think Im pretty normal. Forgetting a lot of stuff tho... 

What I miss? Chugging back Milk, I used to be able to drink it for days on end and now once or twice a week :(

Symptoms?  Tired, hungry all the time

Aversions?  Honey Soy Chicken noodles, I dry retch at the smell. 

Meds? None atm.  Need to get more Iodine

Appts? Well Midwife & Scan are over :) See pic below. Next ones are in December, uuurgh the wait begins again!

NT Scan + Update

SO yesterday was our NT scan, and I could barely contain my excitement until Sunday. Sunday came and I had the BIGGEST migraine I have had in a looong time, and it killed all possible excitement for me.
Possibly also because I ate a piece of ham earlier that day and started panicing I was suffering from listeria, lesson learnt.

But as the time on Monday morning got closer I did get more and more excited, the blood test was the fastest I've ever had as my blood just flew into the tube and off we were to the Radiology centre. I had drunk about 750mL of water an hour previous as they requested and surprisingly I did NOT need to pee, this made me even more nervous.

Finally got in there and lay down on the bed, held my breath and there it was. Upside down, but very clearly a little baby. Not a blob, but a fully fledged baby shaped baby. She was showing me my placenta, babys bladder and stomach, spine, brain, everything and all I wanted to see was the heart! She finally got a good view of it and pushed the button to get a reading, at Midwife last week because baby kept running away she could only put down it was between 140-150 BPM, and yesterday it was 154 BPM. I was elated, this is actually happening and it is actually alive in there!

We saw it's little feet, and even got a photo that made the ultrasound lady go 'Aww look at that, how cute!', its little hands which baby LOVES to fly all over the place and touch its face with, it's tiny tiny nose which makes me think perhaps DP's genes have kicked in and baby will get his cute native nose.
But one thing baby did not want to do is keep still enough and in the right position for US tech to get the measurements she needed of the Nuchal fold, so we tried again after I pee'd and still wanted nothing of it, then she had me jump up & down and kneel on all fours for a bit and eventually she just had to make do with what she had.
I wasn't too concerned as it meant our scan lasted 45 minutes and to me the main thing was that it was growing and has a strong heartbeat.

Baby measured at 13weeks + 4 days, so was 4 days ahead of last scan dates and much closer to my LMP date of 14 weeks. So going by that my EDD will now be 2nd May, but I will have to see what they say at next midwife appointment for agreed EDD.
Next appointment is a while away though, 6th December or something like that, and next scan will be mid December. I don't know if I can wait that long!

Bump is getting rather large, this bub definately wants its presence known, and everyone does know now. We posted on FB after telling all those that mattered first, and everyone seems very excited. Yay!

I will try do a Weekly Update in next few days for the one I missed, but I have to go right now to work. :( Sigh, so can't be bothered today, have another headache.

Midwife Appt

So I just got back from my MW appointment and thought I would do a quick update. :)

I got to hear bubs heartbeat, and it was so relieving! The little so-and-so would let us find it then run away, did this about 3 times and then finally sat still for a bit. It was very exciting, for a moment I paniced she wouldn't find it. But baby is OK, YAY!

Now I must toddle off to work in a state of bliss, and then come home and figure out telling f.acebook and what I shall do re:maternity leave and how long.

Week 11 Update - Telling people

How Far Along? Scan dates make today 12+1


How big is baby? Week 11 baby lime - I love limes! :)

How I'm feeling? Getting better as MS is slowly disappearing, yay!

Weight? Unsure. Midwife might weigh me this week.

How I'm changing? Belly is much more pronounced, having to hide it for now till everyone knows. 

What I miss? Not having to eat/drink so much or be so picky with everything.

Symptoms?  Get tired so easy, breathless.

Aversions?  Hmm, just anything that smells strong. Hot drinks. 

Meds? None atm.  

Appts? Still the same: Midwife on 25th, and scan+bloods on 29th. Finally only 1 week to go! :D So excited!

This week we have also started telling people. Just important people, family and close friends, oh and my workmates. Planning on telling everyone else end of this week after MW appointment. I still get this worry in my mind that perhaps something has gone wrong, but my body is hiding the fact by not bleeding etc. I also panic after EVERY meal that I've contracted salmonella etc, I just want this appointment over and done with so I can feel safe again. If she can't check for heartbeat then I'll just panic for longer till scan, and wait till then to tell everyone else. 

I'm also MEGA excited to see my baby moving and looking like a real life baby. Their little hands, feet, fingers, nose... and get a picture to treasure. :) Eeee hurry up time!

Week 10 update

How Far Along? Scan dates today is 11 + 1


How big is baby? Week 10 my baby was a fig - wow getting big now

How I'm feeling? Average, over the morning sickness and people not knowing.

Weight? Unsure.

How I'm changing? Boobs now have officially overflowed my old bras, had to go up a size. 

What I miss? Relaxing with anything I felt like eating, and not having to eat every 30 minutes!

Symptoms?  Sick still, hunger, tired, bloated

Aversions?  Hmm, just anything that smells strong. 

Meds? Same as before. 

Appts? Still the same: Midwife on 25th, and scan+bloods on 29th. Coming slooooowly...

Im still alive

Phew, it's finally over. School is back and I am back to having my mornings free, and I am sooooo ready for it. Last week I thought MS was going away and was ecstatic to finally be able to enjoy being pregnant, but then this weekend bought me back to reality. MS is still here, and still has the power to bring everything back up. I wished for MS at the start just so I could feel safe and like this time might be different, now 11 weeks in I just wish it would go away. It is ruining my days, and I feel like everything is an effort. My house is nowhere near as clean as it used to be, and DP is just as useless as he's been having stressful times at work and physically exhausted. Besides, we all know a man's "clean" is nothing like a women's.

Time is going so slowly to me, I feel like everyone else I follow is progressing faster and passing me! Is my little corner of the world on slow pace? 11 weeks, or 12 if by LMP. Oh how I wish my scan had not been a week behind.  In life I have seen a few pregnancy announcements on FB and it's just made me so much much more upset at how slow it is going, I want to finally have that feeling of people knowing and congratulating me. Usually i'm just the one sitting reading about everyone else's going "whens my turn?" and my turn is very very close!
I mentioned in my last post about DPs friend who is an expecting father, they announced their pregnancy last week so she is 2 weeks ahead of me, which is not far at all. Another person who announced theirs I was not so thrilled about, and not because I do not like the person, but because I fear for the baby. She is not mature enough to even look after herself safely and hygienically, let alone a helpless child. Drug loving, minimal clothing, 'gangsta' wannabe, law hating citizen. Yes, she is one of those. She will not tell anyone how far along she is, which has raised eyebrows. She has had her first scan, so she should know, but will not say. What is the point in announcing it if you aren't going to tell people about it? Secondly, she has history of twins in her family and I swear to god if she has two I will scream.

Well there is not much else I have going on in life to update on, my life is actually THAT boring. :/

Week 9 Update + More

Wow these school holidays are CRAZY busy. I am just so tired by the time I come home I eat, sleep, wake, work, eat, sleep... etc etc. And we had our sleepover Friday just been, and I felt the best I have in ages! No sickness, pheeew. It's going away now, MS that is, and I am quite happy to see the end of it on the horizon. Yes, it also makes me worry that something has gone wrong, but I just need to push that to the back of my mind. No spotting, bleeding and still get other symptoms so I will be A-OK. :)

How Far Along? By scan dates today is 10 weeks. Double digits YAY!

How big is baby? Week 9 my baby is a little olive

How I'm feeling? Much better now, just so so tired! And missing a few things of non-pregnant life.

Weight? Unsure.

How I'm changing? My skin is in hate-me mode, so hormones are playing crazy games. Otherwise just slowly growing 

What I miss? Luncheon! OMG I want luncheon soooo bad. One those Ham & Chicken luncheon rolls, I could just eat one all up. Everytime a child at work has a ham sandwich I just want to cry. Also some shrimps and surimi wouldn't go a miss...

Symptoms?  Either loving or hating food and drink. Tired. Otherwise seem to be doing ok...

Aversions?  Hmm, just anything that smells strong. 

Meds? Same as before. 

Appts? Still the same: Midwife on 25th, and scan+bloods on 29th. Coming slooooowly...

Just as another thought, I am having trouble deciding when I want to tell people, I thought previous that once I hit 12 weeks I would do it. Then a few things popped up, like my mothers bday which will be at 11 weeks 2 days, and a staff party which will be at 11 weeks 6 days. 

However with my not having another appointment till 13 weeks I am much too scared incase I tell and at ultrasound they say "sorry we can't find a heartbeat" and I would publicly have to go through a miscarriage.

Aaargh decision decisions!

I have thought HOW i would like to tell people, I am planning to take a picture of DP hugging me from behind, with my top pulled up, and "Baby *last name* coming 2013" or "Coming soon" something along those lines, written on my belly. :) Then it's a little different to most people who post their 13 week scan and announce with that. I'd like to be different.

Writing this just reminded me of a funny story too. Last weekend I was feeling totally shattered on Friday night and just wanted bed. Fell asleep on the couch, woke myself up snoring (which I NEVER do so DP decided he had to record it), and was sweating like a mad man. DP was full of beans so I said to him to go out and enjoy a night without me lol. He carried me to bed and organised for his mates to come get him.

Skip to 4am and DP dragging himself into bed, and all I can see is his phone lighting up all over the place, but he was so tired he just left it till morning. Woke in morning and he was texting looking at me all confused/worried, turns out someone whom I don't like had text him and said 'Congratulations on baby' he text back pretending he knew nothing and asking who had told her I was pregnant, she told us who so DP text him. He then wondered what on earth we were on about as he hadn't told her that, I began to panic thinking "what the hell is going on!". Few hours later the guy who was blamed for telling her had found the issue, turns out that DP's friend he was with had told said guy that HIS partner is at home hormonal because she's pregnant. Said guy then mentioned it to a group and she thought they were referring to DP and myself. 

1) I breathed a huge relief and also giggled that they were so bang on but didn't even realise and 2) what a coincidence that both DP and his friend had hormonal gfs at home! I don't know the other pregnant women, and said guy didnt know how far along she is but she's not very far. I am happy DP had a friend he can turn to when we announce our news too. :) 

This is getting long, and I am getting hungry so I must go now. After next week I should be back to my blogging self, fingers crossed! :)

Weekly Update - Week 8

I think this must one of the few Fridays i've actually done it on the right day haha.

How Far Along? I'm going to go by scan dates since that what everything else is running by, so today is 9 weeks.

How big is baby? Week 8 baby is a raspberry. :)

How I'm feeling? Bit better than other weeks, but as I get closer to 13 weeks without bleeding then it's bound to get better. :)

Weight? Unsure.

How I'm changing? Boobs are huge, stomach is sticking out and hard to hide. Hair is getting oily, ew. 

What I miss? Pre-MS happiness, and my belly not protuding so much. I won't mind about that when people know, but it's hard to hide.

Symptoms?  Getting less MS during the day, night still SUCKS. And I can't seem to stay awake past 9pm. Hungry aaaaalllll the time. Getting small cravings, but not full on ones. LOVING peanut butter.

Aversions?  Garlic Bread. Really really can't do that one atm. 

Meds? Went back to Dr and he prescribed me B6 (? is that the right number?) tablets, but still have so Meto tablets for when really need them. 

Appts? Midwife on 25th, and scan+bloods on 29th :) Not so smiley at the bloods part...

Invisible

So I have been pretty slack lately, I'm not blogging like I used to and I am not making videos either.
To be honest, I just forget sometimes and other times I feel so crappy that I just cannot even think about picking up my computer.

I'm sorry, I wish i could post more often but I just don't know what to say. I'm still reading everyone's blogs and following your journeys, some happy and some not so much, but i'm still there supporting you!

Whats new with me? Well MS seems to finally be slowly drifting away, thank goodness! I won't miss her, but I have this feeling she may be back again sometime later.

Dr had prescribed me some Metoclopromide (or something like that..) but it didn't seem to be working too well, so went back and today he tried me on some B6 tablets. So we'll see how that goes, but I'm hoping with it going away that it'll all be ok for the next two weeks.

The next two weeks I am petrified of. Not for worry of loosing bub, but because I have to work 8am-5pm with only fleeting moments of time to myself. I will constantly be nibbling, and drinking, and i'm sure some workmates will find this strange. Even more nerve wracking is that if I do need to vomit, I have limited toilets and only one is non-public, but is still very close to reception and I swear people would hear me vomit. :/
Fingers crossed.

Next Friday also I will be running a sleepover out of town, we are going to the zoo. Wee! I am very nervous that some smells will be overpowering and that perhaps I can't do my morning routine I have come to rely on. :( Will def be taking myself lots of snacks and my tablets!

Booked my 13 week scan yesterday, exciting! :) At my last scan baby measured a week behind my LMP date which I've always wondered whether she will catch up, if not it means I found out at 3 weeks 1 day. Is this even possible? Guess we will find out.

I have my MW appointment the week beforehand, so I'm hoping she will have a doppler for us to hear babys heartbeat on, but I will still be happy knowing I have not bled!

Well thats about all happening with me, I am a very boring person ATM. Haha, I shall do my next weekly update tomorrow yaaay!

Weekly Update - W7

I think this must one of the few Fridays i've actually done it on the right day haha.

How Far Along? By LMP: 8+3, By Scan: 7 + 5, By Ovulation 8 + 1. So who knows!

How big is baby? End of week 7 baby is now about 2cm, but over the week baby is compared to a blueberry. :)

How I'm feeling? Same as last week, still nervous, but bit more confident! Would be better if wasn't sick and constantly worrying about food/drink.

Weight? Unsure.

How I'm changing? Boobs are much firmer and bigger. Belly growing. 

What I miss? Eating anything! Drinking freely. Not waking up dreading the day.

Symptoms?  Sick ALL the time. Haven't vomited in last few days, but that's not for lack of nausea. 

Aversions?  Coffee, sauces, meat. Everything really seems yuck except dry foods like biscuits/crackers/grain waves. Also can't take my iron tablets, they have a fizzing effect and my body does not appreciate it.

Meds? Metoclopramide + Blackmores Morning Sickness + Folic Acid. Don't feel the Meto is working though, so will be returning to Dr.

Appts? Don't get anymore until W13, which seems so far away! But have to ring and book them on Monday. Will be going back to Dr next week to chat about nausea again. 

Fix?

So had Dr appt this morning re:all day sickness, and he has prescribed me Metoclopramide. Take it 3 times daily to start with, then just as I feel I need it to see how it goes.

Took one about an hour ago, and the feeling has got a lot better but we'll see as usually this is the better time of day anyway.
Drinking will be the true test... :/ (Nooo not alcohol, just general liquid drinking haha)

Weekly Update

How Far Along? Well by LMP its 7+3, but by scan i'm 6+4, and by midwife i'm 6+6. :/  So I'll do this weekly update for 6weeks.

How big is baby? The size of a pea. 

How I'm feeling? Much more excited and confident. But oh so nauseas! :( 

Weight? Unsure. I don't have scales and nobody weighs me yet.

How I'm changing? Tummy is growing. Boobs are growing.  

What I miss? Thinking about food and not feeling sick. Being able to eat anything! Waking up and not having to run to the bathroom or eat straight away.

Symptoms? Feeling sick all the time, worse if I don't eat. Tired. 

Aversions? Lots, but changes all the time.

Meds? Folic acid + Iodine + Iron, and Blackmores Morning Sickness tablets.

Appts? No more appts until Week 13, got form to book scan and bloods. So far away! :( 

Hoorah!

No more brown spotting today. Bliss :) Baby is fine, and I am happy and excited.

Still wishing this MS would go away...dammit.

Ultrasound #1

So today was the day I was so nervous about, our first ultrasound.

I woke up and still had brown spotting, and my morning sickness had reduced so I barely even cared about it anymore. This concerned me as I thought "oh here we go..all my symptoms are disappearing"

Got to the clinic and sat down, not needing to pee at all like usual, instead just wanting to vomit all the water back up. I actually didn't get through the whole 1L, after about 750mL I was so close to bringing it back up I dared not drink anymore!

My name was called, turned around and it was the woman who had told us about our first miscarriage, and she was not very nice. Went into the room and she was much friendly than our first meeting, perhaps it was to do with the "2 Previous Miscarriages" written on my form.
She asked about if I was having any bleeding, and I said I was having some brown discharge and she said, like we all get told, that it's just old blood so not to be concerned.

I don't even remember if it was me or her who undid my pants, but she had the towel and gel done so fast. Then she put the scanny thingy (noooo idea what the wands name is) on my tummy and I held my breathe.

I saw the blob come up, first sigh of relief as there is something there, then I saw it. That beautiful little patch that flickers, first thing she said "Theres the heartbeat".
YAY! Our baby is alive! :D Her heartbeat was 119BPM, i say her as thats what me and DP reckon haha.
She was only measuring 6 weeks 1 day, but the tech didn't seem concerned. I wasn't too worried either as that just means baby is going more by my Ovulation date than my LMP dates.

I'm still getting brown discharge, and I'm a little nervous still about it but seeing that image today made me stress a LOT less. Tech said she couldn't see any bleeding, and it might just be implantation bleed. Phew.

Midwife appointment on Thursday will be a lot better. :) Thank you everyone who had their fingers crossed! We have made it to this point, now lets keep chugging.

Update

Thanks to the ladies who are reassuring me saying it isn't always the end, I just find it so hard after the last two to ever see brown discharge as anything but the beginning of the end.

This morning I checked and had a small brown clump of discharge, stringy and darker than last night. I will keep an eye on it as time goes on.

I just wish that if it was going to end, that this damn morning sickness would go away. I am feeling nauseous 24/7 and haven't pooped in a few days as everything keeps coming up not down. 
I am not sure how I am going to cope at work, Friday I left thinking I was going to throw up at any point and that was my early finish day. Today is a late finish so who knows.

Will update when/if more happens. So down at the moment I just don't even know what to do/say.

Crushed

Went toilet and my discharge was brown. Sigh. Here we go again. :(
I was starting to get excited with the morning sickness (lasting all day) and for our scan on Tuesday. Now it will just be another scan to confirm the misery.

It's here...

It's officially here. Morning sickness. Bleeeeeeeeergh. It started yesterday at 6w 1d by LMP.

I got it yesterday while still recovering from my flu and thankfully made it to the bathroom in time. In preparation for today I bought some Morning Sickness tablets and bought some crackers and ginger beer.

Woke up this morning, ate a few crackers before getting out of bed. Got up and had my morning sickness tablets, and attempted to eat breakfast. Baby did not agree with breakfast, so I had some ginger beer.
Now I just keep feeling little waves of uneasyness. I think I actually felt better yesterday when I just vomited and let it out.

In 50 minutes I have to go back to work for the first time this week, and I am extremely nervous that I will feel even worse there.

I reckon the worst part of it all is not knowing when it will end, how long will my MS last? Is it just a fleeting visit to let me know things are ok, or is it here for the long haul?

It does make me feel much better about this pregnancy, I didn't have MS with the last two so perhaps it's a sign saying this time is different. :) I will take that and clutch it with two hands.

I am slightly nervous about Tuesdays scan, but also excited. I just wish it would hurry up! DP is working away that day so I will have to get up early to drive and pick him up, then drive back again and drop him back off. That journey back will either be very solemn, or very happy.

Does anyone have any tips for MS, how to deal with it etc? Everything is appreciated!

Week 5/6 Update

So I missed this on Friday, I've been sick and busy. :(

How Far Along? 5w + 6 days

How big is baby? Started at about 2mm but is growing bigger every day! So about the size of an apple seed.

How I'm feeling? Still nervous, but bit more confident! Would be better if wasn't sick and constantly worrying about food/drink.

Weight? Unsure.

How I'm changing? Bloated all time, tummys firmer, and feeling more yucky. 

What I miss? Eating leftovers, Subway, KFC, relaxing on a girls night and not hiding things from them.

Symptoms? Sick after food, pee all the time, sick if I don't eat... 

Aversions? Not sure yet, but i'm enjoying being able to eat what I can atm.

Meds? Folic acid + Iodine + Iron still, bought Elevit in the groceries other day but it was the wrong one! :(

Appts? Blood tests all came back ok, went to midwifery centre and signed up with midwive. The one i had in past is going away April/May, when i'm due, so she is looking after me now until she knows when she's leaving then we'll transfer me to someone else in the centre. She will still be able to see me and help out though which is great. Have appt with her again next Thursday.

Also, next week is my first ultrasound. Eeek. Nervous that i'll start bleeding again like last time and so will know what the scan will show, but excited to see hows it going and if its the right size etc. I will be exactly 7 weeks (by LMP) on the day. 

I think I'm dying...

I must have caught the man flu.

Last few days I've had a very sore throat, then last night as I held a girls night at my house, I went to bed thinking I was dying.
I have been drinking OJ lately as it keeping my throat relatively painfree, so last night I thought "Right. OJ + "vodka" it is :)" as obviously I have not told anyone.
My throat started feeling a bit worse as the night went on, eventually to the point where I thought I was going to vomit and couldn't breath properly.

Then my nose started up, and has blocked itself so bad I couldn't even blow out or suck in the tiniest piece of air, I felt like my nose has closed up.

I began to cry. I didn't know what to do, how to fix it, or how to get to sleep! And that's all I wanted, SLEEP. :(

So here I am, waking up and nodding off all night thinking any minute now I will wake up dead from suffocation. My lips have taken a beating from having to constantly have my mouth open.

Today was not much better, blocked nose all day and sore throat off and on, not to mention how sick I felt after stuffing myself at lunch today. Whether that was overfull stomach or morning sickness rearing I am not sure.

I hope I wake up tomorrow with a clear nose and the ability to breathe again.

New YouTube Video

Hey guys,

Just posting link to latest YouTube video. It just recaps basically my last update :)

Noooo.. Part2

So now I have time I am able to finish my post from last night. :)

Last night I wrote about cramps I had and in particular one that woke me up early hours, and typically, it happened again last night! Woke up in pain with cramps and needed to pee. Went pee, came back to bed and it went away.
I think I may have to stop drinking before bed time because my body can't hold it long enough till I wake up like it used to :(

I haven't really had any other symptoms. Theres been a few times lately where I've eaten and then felt dizzy but nothing extreme or nausea. DP on the other hand pointed out to me that since the weekend we conceived he has been feeling off and has a vomited a few times, which funnily enough happened the last time I was pregnant too. :) Good man taking my morning sickness!

Someone commented on a previous post re:vitamins etc, and I said i'd talk about them. So here is a list of what I take and whats in them, i would LOVE your feedback on amounts and good/bad things to take. :)

1 Folic acid 5mg
1 Iron Fizz contains: Vitamin C 50mg, Iron 5mg, Folic Acid 300mcg, Vitamin B12 10mcg. (Says suitable for pregnant women)

I also have some Iodine tablets but i'm not sure about taking them?

I have been thinking lots about my reading I got, see the tabs at top of page if want to read it, and how April would be the due date for this little bubba. All the other women in my TTC group who got readings have had theirs match up, and it makes me a little excited. But then I feel stupid, why should I get excited over something so sceptical?

Sigh. I just hold on to hope and think "This IS it. This is the one!" and take every day as it comes. As I get further along, closer to that 8week mark where I've previously started spotting then I will panic a bit more. Till then, I can't change anything.

I am holding off ringing my midwife because I feel I'll jinx it all, and think that somehow if I don't contact her I will make it through. But at the same time, I really want to see my blip in an ultrasound and have someone there to take some of this stress off me and calm me down. Perhaps I will ring tomorrow and make appointment.

Nooooo...

Aaargh today started as an amazing relaxing day, I was going braless lying on the couch all day ready to watch trashy shows. :) Then DP told me we have to go out to his Mums rental house and check it out as tenants were moving. So I got prepared, and that all went swell.

Then while visiting my parents on the way home, BOOM, drama. A "friend" of mine accused me of a range of stuff and text me calling me all sorts of names. I was shocked to say the least and upset, and I started shaking, could feel my heart beating fast and I burst into tears.
Then I started panicking that this stress would harm the baby, so I cried harder! DP and Mum had to tell me breathe and calm me down. But obvs being pregnant its not that easy, I've only just got to the point now where I don't feel I'll burst into tears at any moment. It took another friend and DP to get her to stop, but still no apology. I couldn't exactly tell her why I didn't need stress in my life.

But enough of that, I just needed to rant.

The last few days I have been getting a few small cramps, the first one I noticed two days after my BFP.
There was one night however I remember waking up early morning with extreme cramp in my lower gut/pelvic area. Went toilet, came back to bed and did some deep breathing. Felt like my tummy did some farts inside, then I did a few little real passing of gas, and it was gone.
It was very strange. I've never had this before so I feel kind of better that perhaps this is my lil nuggy settling in and it'll be different than before.

Well I have to go, I had other things to update but I will have to do it later. :)

Weekly Update

I have decided upon seeing a few other blogs doing it and thinking it looked cool, that I will do a weekly update each Friday. :) So here we go.

How Far Along? 4w + 3days

How big is baby? About 1.25mm

How I'm feeling? Alright, little scared, little excited. :)

Weight? 51kg, i've never been "skinny" I have got a belly/hips but I just don't get heavy. :/

How I'm changing? Not really sure yet, am I meant to yet? Is my tummy meant to be hard? 

What I miss? Being able to eat without thinking "Am I allowed this? Is it safe?!" and last night after a hard day at work a small drink would have been nice.

Symptoms? They all seem to have gone, I get a VERY sore back though if I stand up too long. And I am very irritable. 

Aversions? Weetbix Honey Crunch bites. Didn't particularly like the taste anymore, but wasn't an overwhelming no-no.

Meds? Folic acid + Iodine + Iron

Appts? Had one yesterday for prenatal bloods and thyroid check, and diabetes check.

Time to sink in

Well I have had time now for it all to sink in, and today I went to my doctor and got my blood test for all the general pre-natals and also for my thyroid and diabetes test. They took 6 vials, I was peaking myself when I saw them all. I do NOT like blood being removed from my body via a tube.

Today I am 4 weeks + 2 days I think, YAY. My temperature took a big rise this morning also which made me feel a bit better. And thank you SO much to all who have wished me well! :)

So anyway, I also remember seeing this cute little jumpsuit a week ago and saying "If I conceive this cycle it's so true!"  I can't find a picture anymore but it simply said "Im a Laters, Baby" Hahah. And it was so true as the weekend we conceived I was reading the second book of the 50 Shades trilogy, my favourite of the three. Nooo I was not all hot & heavy because of the sex scenes, I actually skim all those and just read the back story. But it got me thinking about all these new babies that will be born due to the phenomenon as the 'Grey Boom'.
Atm, I have a 'Grey Boom' baby. I also think the name Christian will be making a huge comeback, but not for me.

OMG! I just realised I get to think about baby names again, legitimately.  Oh the fun I will have! :)

Well I must go to work now, but just a quick not letting you all know I updated the video from my post below as I realised you couldn't see the lines on the test so have added pictures to the end.

I Sucuumbed

..I did it. I POASed. Does that even make sense? I pee-on-a-sticked? Hahaha, well you all know what I mean!

I'm not even sure how to feel now.
Sooo.... check it out below, a picture and a video of my LIVE pregnancy test. Then read futher underneath for my thoughts.

 

So how do I feel? Scared! Nervous, anxious, excited, scared. Can you tell I'm scared? I said I felt confident this cycle but now its happened I am sooo not. Third times a charm? Or will this be my third time so I can get proper help? I am obvs hoping for the first, not the later. 

I am EXTREMELY glad I have my appointment now to get my thyroid checked tomorrow so I can get onto this early. Yay! 

Feel free to check out my FF chart also, which didn't last long! Haha, typical right.

I'm not even sure what to write right now. :/  So I shall go feed my face, it's 10pm and I've already had tea at 7pm and a snack since, and drink loads more water because I can't stop!

PS: Hello to all the ICLW visitors! I hope to get to read about you all this week! 

Opinions?

I'm new to charting my temps so I'm looking for help with interpreting what I see please?
MY CHART

Are these levels low? Why does it increase so slowly and/or level?
What should I be looking out for?

Is there a way I can put a pic here, not just the click link?

TIA :)

Just had to post

I woke up this morning, did my temp and it was up! I was like "Oh, its higher..maybe I did it wrong?" so did it once more orally and it said the same. Then I couldn't help but wonder whether orally is different than to up my vajayjay. So I cautiously tried that, and again it was the same. Must be doing something right! Yay! Now lets see what tomorrow holds.

Hurts A Lil

Today has been a good day. :) Spent a bit too much money, but overall its been good.

However, I still have had a few "ouch" moments. One physical, one emotional.
Physically all day I've been getting pains in the back of my thigh like its constantly tense and its SOOO uncomfy.

Emotionally someone disliked my video on YouTube. Yes that sounds stupid.
I make TTC Update videos on YouTube and also watch a few peoples journeys on there, and today I uploaded a video and just noticed someone has "disliked" it.  WHO DOES THAT? I'm not sure whether they were saying "i dislike that you are experiencing this" or "your video was gay". If it was the later, then who the EFF are you to do that?! Don't like it, don't watch, no need to kick me while i'm down. :(

Anyway, otherwise I am happy. La La La. :) 5DPO..totally bored and wanting next cycle to hurry up haha.
Does anyone else get that? I think it's nerves, kind of a "i want to be pregnant, but I dont at the same time because I dont want another miscarriage"

Hope everyone else is going along well! Shall g catch up on my reading now, both blogs and Fifty Shades Freed :P

Where To Start?

I'm back from my holiday, boo. This will probably be a short blog, and then in a few days I'll probably do a long one as I finally remember everything I want to write about.

Well whats been happening in my life?

• Moved into new house. And when I say new, I mean new. Brand spanking new and it's amazingly warm and comfortable. Can definately see this helping our journey as now I'm so much more relaxed and happy and warm!
• Had our 4 year anniversary last week, DP bought me some flowers and breakfast. We haven't bought proper presents yet as all our money that fortnight went into moving and weekend away.
• Went away for the weekend to the beach. Yes, beach in winter! It was amazing weather and warm, got to laze on the deck with a drink in the sun staring out over the sea. Bliss.
• Ovulated on Friday just been, very positive test. Yay! These OPKs are helpful as my P Tracker told me I wouldnt be ovulating yet, and My Days was saying that was the day and I had no idea which one to go off! Guess it was My Days for the win.
• That makes me now 3DPO and into the 2WW. Urgh. I'm not sure how I feel about it now, I was so confident this cycle, now I'm into the 2WW i'm just not sure. :/
• Started properly using my Fertility Friend chart today. So it looks absolutely boring with only one temp on it. I know, I know, today at 3DPO is not a good time to start charting! But if I didn't do it now then I'd never get around to it.
• I have resolved I NEED to go to the gym more, as in start. My thighs and my belly have expanded and I just don't want to wear tight tops anymore as I HATE the look of my gut. :(

So, that is all I can think of ATM. I do however also have a few questions for all you lovely ladies! (D will love this as it's about OPKs :P )

• On FF when charting, what do they consider a 'positive' OPK? Is that from when I first see a line, or is it when I first get the dark line thats stronger than the control?
• What's a normal temperature? I entered my 11am temperature (yes, not a good time) but that's when I remembered. I am going to start doing them when I wake up tomorrow onwards, but anyway at 11am today my temp was 36C. Compared to other peoples charts this is a very low temperature, I've been feeling cold a lot more than other people but whenever I've had a check up the Dr has never said anything? 

I feel like this charting thing is going to make me more obsessive compulsive about this TTC than before haha, I'll be always looking at my chart. 

I will be making a video hopefully on Wednesday, was hoping to today but I have run out of time before work. And tomorrow my friend is coming around, with her baby, urgh. I always dread this time. I used to look forward to her visits, now they are just filled with her pushing her baby at me. It's almost like she is trying to make me feel better about not being able to conceive by giving me her child for a few hours a week and honestly that's not what I want. Its not MY baby, I DON'T want YOUR baby.  Just let me admire him as I'd like and not push him at me like a teaching tool. I will learn how to parent when I become a parent, and when you try tell me about how to I become agitated and annoyed. I'm not a pet project.

Honestly, I am the type of person that when I become pregnant/a mother to a live baby if someone tries to tell me "Do this, do that" "This is how I do this.." "This is the right way to..." "I do..." etc I will dislike them. Obviously there are exceptions, such as nurses/midwife and my own parents. But everyone else I don't want to hear it, I want to learn it and live it myself, don't spoil this learning experience for me!

That was a bit of an unexpected rant. Lol. And now I must go to work, so until next time TTFN lovelies.

PS: Big congrats to D (http://mylifeisaboutthejourney.blogspot.co.nz/) on her BFP! :) FX for a happy healthy journey.

M.I.A

Hey everyone,

Just letting you all know we've moved house and the stupid Internet people connected our Internet to the neighbors so it won't be up and running till Friday. Gaaah. Plus we are going away this weekend because today is our 4 year anniversary! :) YAY. So won't be making any blogs/blogs until next week! Whiiiich will be just after/during O time, woohoo!

Have been OPKing this cycle do FX it helps :)

Anyway, until next week hope you are all doing superb and can't wait to catch up and see some BFPs!

Sigh CD8.

Today was NOT a good day. I feel like I blog more about bad things than good recently? Hmm must try remember to post good days too.

Anyway, I woke up today early and snoozed again for a bit. Then I got a text and I was stuck awake, I knew straight away that I was not going to have a good day. 

Started off pretty slow and easy just packing some stuff for our move this weekend.

I was just grumpy. Got grumpy at DP, got grumpy at BFF and grumpy at life.
It's almost like my AF side effects are a week late.

Tomorrow I am determined to have a better day. :) We are getting keys to our new place tomorrow which I am stoked about! We will probably start moving some boxes in. 

Packing is soooo annoying, I've packed the bathroom and our wardrobe completely. (Minus the basics out of bathroom we need) Lounge is mostly big items we can't put in boxes, Kitchen I am waiting till Friday to pack because we do need to eat, and the Spare bedroom is half packed and half not. I told DP that was his job. Hence why it is still in the state I left it.

Bonus, while I was in Spare room other day I did find a Basal Thermometer as I was packing some stuff! Never even knew we had one, I am planning on giving it a clean and then seeing if it still works. 

Combined with my first month of OPKing this is getting quite exciting. On the subject of OPK, I have a few questions for you all:

1) Whens the best time of day to do one?

2) What day do I start them? (I was thinking tomorrow or next day)

3) Is there anything I can't do around testing time?

Any help or feedback would be greatly appreciated! :)

Get to know me.

Hey everyone,

I recently made a video on my Youtube channel that answers a set of questions relating to TTC. If you want to check it out and get to know me a bit better, here is the link. :)
http://www.youtube.com/user/OnceUponABFP/videos

Your point?

I just had to make a post about this incident. I am so angry/sad/confused by it all.

If any of you have not heard/do not know of the song Small Bump by Ed Sheeran then this might be a bit more confusing, check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_af256mnTE

I recieved a text from BestFriend (who knows about everything) saying "Omg have you heard that new Ed Sheeran song on the radio?"
I knew she was talking about Small Bump, which I LOVE, and was thinking oh wonder if she just wants me to know the song exists due to its content/purpose.
Me: "Yeah I downloaded it ages ago because I loved it so much, but now its become mainstream its kind of killed it."
Her: "I thought it was so cute and I was like 'aww', then I heard the end and felt so sad."
Me thinking in my head 'Yeah, try living through it.' Obviously its different getting so far along and losing the baby, but its still a loss.
Me (texting back): "Yeah very. *then changed subject*"

After that we just text about other things so I thought the subject was done. Until later that day after I finished work I checked my phone. There was a text from her, and it read "Ooh so cute, *insert3montholdbabiesnamehere* just fell asleep as that song was playing!"

My reaction was just shock. Thoughts went a little like this, all mashed up in my head... Why the fuck are you telling me this? You realise its a song about a couple who lost their child? Why do you think I would want to know that your newborn healthy baby whom I had to see growing in you while I was going through 2 seperate miscarriages is falling to sleep to the song that I love and relate to because I have gone through said miscarriages? HOW IS THAT CUTE?! Are you trying to rub it in?

I told DP about it to see if perhaps I was over reacting, he just shook his head and goes "She's an idiot." and I could see he wanted to end the conversation as he was feeling down.

Are we over reacting? Did I take this overboard? I know (well i don't think so anyway) she wasn't trying to rub it in and hurt me, but I just don't see her purpose in texting me that? What was the point, and what was my reaction meant to be?

Before she got pregnant me and her were inseperable, we would always be at each others houses and hanging out. We got along about everything, just like most Best Friends.
Then she got pregnant, and I got the green eyed monster. We were still close but I did feel a big envy, but she wasn't really showing so I didn't mind and we got on as we did before. The I got pregnant and we were both so excited. Once I lost them everything changed, if you read previous blogs you would know why, but long story short I now don't feel the same. She is still a friend, but I feel closer to different friends now. Life? Yeap. I still refer to her as BestFriend as I just don't know what to do, and she hasn't changed her feelings...


Sigh. Now a positive! We got a new house, YAY! We move in a week exactly, I am sooo excited. It's a brand new place so it is lovely and has all we could need. :) It does mean there will be a few days where I have no internet however, but its not around O time so it shouldn't matter. Unless O comes early of course.

AF is still here I think, I wouldn't really know whether to say she is or isn't, all I'm getting is light brown discharge twice a day, and it's only about the size of a bottle cap. Had that the last 2-3 days. :/

Very strange! Please let me know if you've ever had this before and/or if you think I was over reacting to Friends text?

Strange. CD3

Well right when I start thinking "Oh wow AF showed up pretty much on time (1 day late is nothing) and it is actually proper red blood this time, not just the gross brown I had all last cycle."  She likes to surprise me again by leaving just as fast as she came.
Monday night had slightly caramel CM so knew she would be there when I awoke, and sure enough she came on Tuesday. Tuesday was as a normal CD1, red blood little bit of brown, and was medium flow. Wednesday was CD2, which usually is about the same as CD1 for me. But not this time, I had very light flow. Normally after CD3 I can sleep at night with no protection as nothing discharges, but I decided that as Wednesdays flow was so light I would do that early this time and went to bed feeling free.
Today, CD3 I may as well have not wasted a tampon. It was pretty much just brown CM again.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Before the m/c's my cycles were always on time, about 4-5 days long with first two days being medium flow and the last 2-3 light. After the m/c's the first one was extremely light, the second was late again but heavy for 1 day, medium 2, went away for a day and light for another 4, the third was late again and heavy for 1 day, medium 2 days, light for 4. Whyyy must you be so difficult and unpredictable? :(

Also, just wondering, when you have a light cycle is this because your endometrium/lining whatever you call it  was thin?
This scares me as now I wonder whether it is thick enough for a little eggy to burrow into. :( For someone with endometriosis I never thought I would worry about such a thing. Stupid thing can grow all over everywhere else but can't seem to do its job in the right place properly!

CD1 HopeCycle

So today is CD1 of the cycle I will call my Hope Cycle. Because I Hope to God that this is it!


I'm excited for it to be over already, but then again who isn't excited for AF to pack her bags and leave. Nobody ever goes "Ooooh yay! My periods here, I hope it lasts another 7 days! It's so cool bleeding from my vajayjay and cramping, and crying, and eating, and bloating, and worrying constantly about leakage, and basically my vaginas interior just ripping itself down so it can rewallpaper next week."
LOL, just as I typed that the TV showed an ad for some "Paste the wall" Wallpaper. Brilliant.
I find it quite a coinkidink that CD1 is also the day mentioned in my previous post, maybe its a sign?


Anywhooo, I made a YouTube video the other day and I love keeping up to date with everyone on YouTube so if you have a channel or know anybody who has a good one please let me know! Or add me so I can subscribe back :) I'm also going to do some hair/beauty reviews soon.


I do get annoyed though sometimes, a big pet peeve is when I see someone post either a blog, vlog, video whatever and it's labeled "TTC journey" etc, and you think 'I'll watch that one, might be interesting'. Then you watch and see they are pregnant, so you think 'Oh yay it's a succesful journey! I wonder how long it took and how they did it', so you get really into it.. then they say "Well we stopped our birth control in January, and I got my first period in February and then in March we found out we were pregnant!"
Are you shitting me?! That ain't a TTC Journey, That's a TTC walk in the park! Can you imagine how many blogs/vlogs/videos there would be online if that was thought to be a journey... Ok, I get that some people want to document their pregnancy starting from conception and fair enough. But please, don't name it TTC, call it a Pregnancy journey. Technically yes they were TTC for a month of two, but that's normal, and when people search TTC journeys they aren't meaning those ones.
Rant over.


What else is new, well this cycle I'm going to take Folic Acid & Iron from the start, so tomorrow because I just decided earlier. I'm also going to start using OPKs from CD10 to make sure we catch that damn egg! Judging by my Fertility tracker O time is about the weekend we are going away to celebrate our 4 year anniversary. Yaaay! And I am SO going to be making sure to leave either the 2nd or 3rd installment of Fifty Shades. If you have read my previous blogs then you'll know I have issues with arousal, but I am so far 1/3 of the way into Fifty Shades of Grey and have discovered that it certainly helps haha.
Before I started reading it DP said to me "In like 9 months there is going to be a Fifty Shades baby boom." and I totally agreed! Now I can't help but wonder, will we be part of that baby boom? Can we, please? Where do I book tickets...?


Tomorrow I am also going to look at a couple of houses for rent. We are getting sooo sick of where we are now. It's winter here in NZ and this place has no heating, so we have an electric heater we plug in that sucks all our electricity. It also has an older style kitchen which I hate because the wood has been painted and the draws stick, and no matter how much you clean it looks dirty. The kitchen has no dishwasher which is annoying when we cook something or have a lazy day because the dishes just pile up and look bad. Then you can never get dishes as clean with hand washing and I always panic about bacteria/germs. These new places are much more modern, both have a heat pump and dishwasher. One is brand new and the other is more 90's but I'm excited. Yaaay! And this time we won't live above our landlord, who is a dodgy person. Not dirty dodgy, but sneaky dodgy. :/ Anyway, that's a whole diff issue.


 Well I'm off to bed now to read some more of Fifty Shades, lets see what time I tear myself away tonight. :)

Happy? Birthday

Dear My Babies, 


24 July 2012. The day I was going to have you, my babies. Whether you came earlier, or you made it to inducement day, today you would be here with me and your daddy.

 

This is the only picture I have of you, inside my belly at just a tiny 9 weeks old. We had heard your hearts beating and we were so excited. You were making mummy so tired and feeling bloated, thats why my pants are undone. Haha. 

We miss you all the time, even though we do not say it to each other we say it to ourselves and we both just know. You have given me so much strength I never knew I had in me, I can tackle anything knowing that things will get better.

I hope you are looking over us my angels and that one day you can look over your little brothers/sisters too. 

I have so much I wish I could say, but I can't I just don't have the words. 

Mummy and Daddy will never forget you. We love you. xo Happy Birthday

Body Schmody

So I am currently very angry at my body.

Since I had the miscarriage in March it has just not returned to normal, and I miss my old body. :( I don't like this "new normal" my body has decided upon.

1) My cycles are now 36 day average, not the old 28.
2) My hair is always frizzy/flyaways and frequent dandruff
3) Constantly chapped lips. I apply chapstick religiously and they just don't go away, perhaps due to number 4?
4) Sleep with my mouth open all the time. Whyyy?!
5) My neck/face has now got an acne issue, i mean I used to get pimples but now its like proper acne. Redness, groups of 'pimples' some of which are deep large bumps, they never seem to go away, and my pore's are huge!

I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and just cried. I hated myself. I still hate my body.

Has anyone else had this kind of thing happen? I would not mind all these if it meant I had my bundle of joy still with me, but really? I had to go through the loss and now live with these horrible stupid reminders.

Pleeease

No More! Please please please STOP.  I apologise now for any swearing that may follow...

This week is turning to hell. Shit. Garbage. Whatever you wanna call it.

There are pregnant women everywhere! On TV, at work, in the street. I feel like they are stalking me. And then, to top it off, I go on FB and see an old mate comment "Its Baby Time!" as his partner was in labour. Urgh, really. It was hard enough that they announced their pregnancy at the time I lost the twins, but now when it was supposed to be their week to arrive they freaking have theirs. :/ I know i know, you can't stop having a baby just because someone you know was due to have their babies that you didn't know about, and  it's just shit timing.

FML. I'm sick of waiting! I want to be pregnant NOW. If I was, even if I was just four weeks and still scared pantsless of loosing it, I would be happy looking at them saying "That could be me soon!" and rub/talk to my baby. :( IT'S NOT FAIR. Life's not fair.

And tomorrow I get to go with BestFriend to the hospital with her 8week old for his hearing test. Yay, surrounded by children/babies again. Woo. Grr.

I'm Baaaaack

Holidays are over! :) And I have a few updates, some good, some bad. I'll start with good and go down to bad...

I'm tired but so energetic at the same time, and loving being able to relax and have "me" time at night now instead of just sleeping. Which is when I get to come on here yay!

Where am I at at the moment? Well, we have not had sex in the last month. So this month is NOT our month obviously, unless my name is now Mary, but it's ok because I really wasn't that keen on the timing. I don't know what it was but I just wasn't feeling it, however I am feeling F&*#ING positive about next month. Don't know why, but I am. And that's got to be a good sign! :)
Anyway, last month I said that my cycles have now become longer and I had being missing Ovulation because it was later than it previously had been. Well, just to trick me my body has decided to go back to it's regular pattern and I ovulated earlier than I expected, so the same as I used too. Thankfully my OPKs arrived, so I am going to definately be able to catch it next month. That little eggy is NOT going to get away...
Just between you and me, I also am being sneaky and I am ordering some Cassava tablets. Cassava (a type of Wild Yam) is known to increase the chances of having twins, and be it that I'm still not over the loss of my twins or that I just think it'd be so amazing to have twins again, but I really really really just want to try. It's hard getting over the loss of a child, and i'm just finding it so much harder thinking that it may have been my one and only chance of having twins. Twins are special, and I lost that. What if I never get the chance again? What could be the harm in trying? Losing another set I guess would be a harm, but at least I try.
Has anybody ever tried these before or heard of people using them?

Speaking of the twins, this past weekend knocked me for six. I logged on to good old Facebook, and see a post "(Person) is expecting twins, poor f*&ker". Sigh. 1) Ouch that not only do they get to have a baby, they get to have twins and 2) If you knew the pain some people go through you would never call anyone blessed with twins a poor bleepbleep. I would kill to have them (obv. as i said in above paragraph).

Secondly, to rub salt in the wound, this week is the week. It is the week I was due to be induced, it was to be my twinnies birthdays, I was going to become a mummy to the world and bring my bubbas home. I was going to meet them, introduce them to everyone and hold them. How am I meant to feel? I don't know. I'm sure I'm allowed to be upset, but at the same time I feel like I'm not allowed to bring up something that happened so long ago. We lost them 6 months ago, that's a long time. But in my heart it feels like just yesterday again.


I can definitely tell AF is coming to visit soon, I look like i'm 3 months pregnant im so bloated and its driving me crazy! So crazy infact, it gave me that final push to join a gym! :) I'm quite excited, and I've thought about posting a few pics to show my progress. It could go from unfit - fit - baby bumps. :) Hopefully! And it'd help motivate me! Nothing worse than showing the world that you've fallen behind to help push you forward again.

Please everyone, don't forget to check out my pages (tattoo etc) and give some feedback, and also subscribe to my Youtube channel! :) Search me, OnceUponABFP and watch me as I update my life and so some occasional beauty reviews. I will be posting new videos tomorrow :) YAY!



XOXO 

Hmmm...

The other night after making the last post I sat thinking about how over the last month I've been really enjoying life. I have been going out with friends, really socialising and getting to know all the people I never really see. Its amazing.
I then realised that this month was not going to be my month, I just knew. Next month is more our time.
Then when checking my phone I realised that one app said 6th as O Day, and the other said the 9th. I was like "uh-oh..today is the 6th!" and just as my body works with my mind and its previous thoughts about 'not this month' I was sooooooo shattered that night that I just feel asleep. Naked from the waist down. Hahaha...today being the 8th I wasn't totally sure whether O had happened or not anyway.

Today I recieved my package of OPK's just in time to check whether I was O'ing. Now I'm not good with the whole OPK thing, but I followed the instructions and after 10min I checked and there was a line, but it wasn't as dark, so I understood that that meant it wasn't O time.
BUT, im not sure whether that means its BEFORE O time, or whether it also goes faint AFTER O time?
Can anyone help me on this please?

Show time!

Eeek its O time, well at least I think it is. P Tracker says it is, all three of them actually say different stages of O time but they all say I'm fertile! And I have some white discharge, been to busy to stop and check it out totally so don't really know what colour/stickyness etc.

Unfortunately my OPKs STILL have not arrived! >:( It's only coming from Aussie, how can it take so long?!