Showing posts with label infertility. Show all posts
Showing posts with label infertility. Show all posts

Wednesday, 22 August 2012

I Sucuumbed

..I did it. I POASed. Does that even make sense? I pee-on-a-sticked? Hahaha, well you all know what I mean!

I'm not even sure how to feel now.
Sooo.... check it out below, a picture and a video of my LIVE pregnancy test. Then read futher underneath for my thoughts.

 

So how do I feel? Scared! Nervous, anxious, excited, scared. Can you tell I'm scared? I said I felt confident this cycle but now its happened I am sooo not. Third times a charm? Or will this be my third time so I can get proper help? I am obvs hoping for the first, not the later. 
I am EXTREMELY glad I have my appointment now to get my thyroid checked tomorrow so I can get onto this early. Yay! 
Feel free to check out my FF chart also, which didn't last long! Haha, typical right.

I'm not even sure what to write right now. :/  So I shall go feed my face, it's 10pm and I've already had tea at 7pm and a snack since, and drink loads more water because I can't stop!

PS: Hello to all the ICLW visitors! I hope to get to read about you all this week! 

Monday, 13 August 2012

Where To Start?

I'm back from my holiday, boo. This will probably be a short blog, and then in a few days I'll probably do a long one as I finally remember everything I want to write about.

Well whats been happening in my life?


  • Moved into new house. And when I say new, I mean new. Brand spanking new and it's amazingly warm and comfortable. Can definately see this helping our journey as now I'm so much more relaxed and happy and warm!
  • Had our 4 year anniversary last week, DP bought me some flowers and breakfast. We haven't bought proper presents yet as all our money that fortnight went into moving and weekend away.
  • Went away for the weekend to the beach. Yes, beach in winter! It was amazing weather and warm, got to laze on the deck with a drink in the sun staring out over the sea. Bliss.
  • Ovulated on Friday just been, very positive test. Yay! These OPKs are helpful as my P Tracker told me I wouldnt be ovulating yet, and My Days was saying that was the day and I had no idea which one to go off! Guess it was My Days for the win.
  • That makes me now 3DPO and into the 2WW. Urgh. I'm not sure how I feel about it now, I was so confident this cycle, now I'm into the 2WW i'm just not sure. :/
  • Started properly using my Fertility Friend chart today. So it looks absolutely boring with only one temp on it. I know, I know, today at 3DPO is not a good time to start charting! But if I didn't do it now then I'd never get around to it.
  • I have resolved I NEED to go to the gym more, as in start. My thighs and my belly have expanded and I just don't want to wear tight tops anymore as I HATE the look of my gut. :(

So, that is all I can think of ATM. I do however also have a few questions for all you lovely ladies! (D will love this as it's about OPKs :P )

  • On FF when charting, what do they consider a 'positive' OPK? Is that from when I first see a line, or is it when I first get the dark line thats stronger than the control?
  • What's a normal temperature? I entered my 11am temperature (yes, not a good time) but that's when I remembered. I am going to start doing them when I wake up tomorrow onwards, but anyway at 11am today my temp was 36C. Compared to other peoples charts this is a very low temperature, I've been feeling cold a lot more than other people but whenever I've had a check up the Dr has never said anything? 

I feel like this charting thing is going to make me more obsessive compulsive about this TTC than before haha, I'll be always looking at my chart. 

I will be making a video hopefully on Wednesday, was hoping to today but I have run out of time before work. And tomorrow my friend is coming around, with her baby, urgh. I always dread this time. I used to look forward to her visits, now they are just filled with her pushing her baby at me. It's almost like she is trying to make me feel better about not being able to conceive by giving me her child for a few hours a week and honestly that's not what I want. Its not MY baby, I DON'T want YOUR baby.  Just let me admire him as I'd like and not push him at me like a teaching tool. I will learn how to parent when I become a parent, and when you try tell me about how to I become agitated and annoyed. I'm not a pet project.
Honestly, I am the type of person that when I become pregnant/a mother to a live baby if someone tries to tell me "Do this, do that" "This is how I do this.." "This is the right way to..." "I do..." etc I will dislike them. Obviously there are exceptions, such as nurses/midwife and my own parents. But everyone else I don't want to hear it, I want to learn it and live it myself, don't spoil this learning experience for me!

That was a bit of an unexpected rant. Lol. And now I must go to work, so until next time TTFN lovelies.

PS: Big congrats to D (http://mylifeisaboutthejourney.blogspot.co.nz/) on her BFP! :) FX for a happy healthy journey.

Wednesday, 1 August 2012

Sigh CD8.

Today was NOT a good day. I feel like I blog more about bad things than good recently? Hmm must try remember to post good days too.

Anyway, I woke up today early and snoozed again for a bit. Then I got a text and I was stuck awake, I knew straight away that I was not going to have a good day. 
Started off pretty slow and easy just packing some stuff for our move this weekend.

I was just grumpy. Got grumpy at DP, got grumpy at BFF and grumpy at life.
It's almost like my AF side effects are a week late.

Tomorrow I am determined to have a better day. :) We are getting keys to our new place tomorrow which I am stoked about! We will probably start moving some boxes in. 
Packing is soooo annoying, I've packed the bathroom and our wardrobe completely. (Minus the basics out of bathroom we need) Lounge is mostly big items we can't put in boxes, Kitchen I am waiting till Friday to pack because we do need to eat, and the Spare bedroom is half packed and half not. I told DP that was his job. Hence why it is still in the state I left it.

Bonus, while I was in Spare room other day I did find a Basal Thermometer as I was packing some stuff! Never even knew we had one, I am planning on giving it a clean and then seeing if it still works. 

Combined with my first month of OPKing this is getting quite exciting. On the subject of OPK, I have a few questions for you all:

1) Whens the best time of day to do one?
2) What day do I start them? (I was thinking tomorrow or next day)
3) Is there anything I can't do around testing time?

Any help or feedback would be greatly appreciated! :)

Thursday, 19 July 2012

Pleeease

No More! Please please please STOP.  I apologise now for any swearing that may follow...

This week is turning to hell. Shit. Garbage. Whatever you wanna call it.

There are pregnant women everywhere! On TV, at work, in the street. I feel like they are stalking me. And then, to top it off, I go on FB and see an old mate comment "Its Baby Time!" as his partner was in labour. Urgh, really. It was hard enough that they announced their pregnancy at the time I lost the twins, but now when it was supposed to be their week to arrive they freaking have theirs. :/ I know i know, you can't stop having a baby just because someone you know was due to have their babies that you didn't know about, and  it's just shit timing.

FML. I'm sick of waiting! I want to be pregnant NOW. If I was, even if I was just four weeks and still scared pantsless of loosing it, I would be happy looking at them saying "That could be me soon!" and rub/talk to my baby. :( IT'S NOT FAIR. Life's not fair.

And tomorrow I get to go with BestFriend to the hospital with her 8week old for his hearing test. Yay, surrounded by children/babies again. Woo. Grr.

Monday, 16 July 2012

I'm Baaaaack

Holidays are over! :) And I have a few updates, some good, some bad. I'll start with good and go down to bad...

I'm tired but so energetic at the same time, and loving being able to relax and have "me" time at night now instead of just sleeping. Which is when I get to come on here yay!

Where am I at at the moment? Well, we have not had sex in the last month. So this month is NOT our month obviously, unless my name is now Mary, but it's ok because I really wasn't that keen on the timing. I don't know what it was but I just wasn't feeling it, however I am feeling F&*#ING positive about next month. Don't know why, but I am. And that's got to be a good sign! :)
Anyway, last month I said that my cycles have now become longer and I had being missing Ovulation because it was later than it previously had been. Well, just to trick me my body has decided to go back to it's regular pattern and I ovulated earlier than I expected, so the same as I used too. Thankfully my OPKs arrived, so I am going to definately be able to catch it next month. That little eggy is NOT going to get away...
Just between you and me, I also am being sneaky and I am ordering some Cassava tablets. Cassava (a type of Wild Yam) is known to increase the chances of having twins, and be it that I'm still not over the loss of my twins or that I just think it'd be so amazing to have twins again, but I really really really just want to try. It's hard getting over the loss of a child, and i'm just finding it so much harder thinking that it may have been my one and only chance of having twins. Twins are special, and I lost that. What if I never get the chance again? What could be the harm in trying? Losing another set I guess would be a harm, but at least I try.
Has anybody ever tried these before or heard of people using them?

Speaking of the twins, this past weekend knocked me for six. I logged on to good old Facebook, and see a post "(Person) is expecting twins, poor f*&ker". Sigh. 1) Ouch that not only do they get to have a baby, they get to have twins and 2) If you knew the pain some people go through you would never call anyone blessed with twins a poor bleepbleep. I would kill to have them (obv. as i said in above paragraph).

Secondly, to rub salt in the wound, this week is the week. It is the week I was due to be induced, it was to be my twinnies birthdays, I was going to become a mummy to the world and bring my bubbas home. I was going to meet them, introduce them to everyone and hold them. How am I meant to feel? I don't know. I'm sure I'm allowed to be upset, but at the same time I feel like I'm not allowed to bring up something that happened so long ago. We lost them 6 months ago, that's a long time. But in my heart it feels like just yesterday again.


I can definitely tell AF is coming to visit soon, I look like i'm 3 months pregnant im so bloated and its driving me crazy! So crazy infact, it gave me that final push to join a gym! :) I'm quite excited, and I've thought about posting a few pics to show my progress. It could go from unfit - fit - baby bumps. :) Hopefully! And it'd help motivate me! Nothing worse than showing the world that you've fallen behind to help push you forward again.

Please everyone, don't forget to check out my pages (tattoo etc) and give some feedback, and also subscribe to my Youtube channel! :) Search me, OnceUponABFP and watch me as I update my life and so some occasional beauty reviews. I will be posting new videos tomorrow :) YAY!



XOXO 

Thursday, 14 June 2012

So I Made a Vlog!

Yes, I did it. I have made a Vlog!
My journey is now also available as a video. Haha, for those who want to check it out here is a link to my first video.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN0mtHgHr_s&feature=plcp


I will be creating a page for my Vlogs soon on here. :)

Monday, 4 June 2012

What If?

Up at night, insomnia and alone. I am trawling the internet bored and I stumbled across some beautiful photos/quotes and this AMAZING video.
Here I am, watching Drop Dead Diva at 11pm with just my cat curled up on my lap crying quietly so as not to wake DP. 


Just take a few minutes and watch this... what if it changes you?






xo Moved

Sunday, 3 June 2012

Good Read

I stumbled across this online and thought it was a very good read. Made me cry to be honest. It is a bit long yes and not all of it was not relative to each situation but its worth it!



Infertility Etiquette

Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than seven million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.
Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.
The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.
As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money.
A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:
  • They will eventually conceive a baby.
  • They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children.
  • They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a foster parent.
Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don't know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support.
Don't Tell Them to Relax
Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile.
Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.
These comments can also reach the point of absurdity. As a couple, my husband and I underwent two surgeries, numerous inseminations, hormone treatments, and four years of poking and prodding by doctors. Yet, people still continued to say things like, "If you just relaxed on a cruise . . ." Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.
Don't Minimize the Problem
Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.
Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.
Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen
Along the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Getting raped? Losing a job?
Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the "worst" thing. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen.
People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don't tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility.
Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents
One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.
Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVF
In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man's sperm in a petri dish. This is the method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, "Why don't you just try IVF?" in the same casual tone they would use to ask, "Why don't you try shopping at another store?"
Don't Be Crude
It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.
Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy
This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.
The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.
Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes."
I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.
Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant
For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.
Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.
Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.
Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition
Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones.
Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband's sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized.
Don't Push Adoption (Yet)
Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process. When my husband and I went for our initial adoption interview, we expected the first question to be, "Why do you want to adopt a baby?" Instead, the question was, "Have you grieved the loss of your biological child yet?" Our social worker emphasized how important it is to shut one door before you open another.
You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.
Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. (The only words that ever offered me comfort were from my sister, who said, "Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will be a mother one day.") However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.
So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load. Here are a few ideas.
Let Them Know That You Care
The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren't going through this alone.
Remember Them on Mother's Day
With all of the activity on Mother's Day, people tend to forget about women who cannot become mothers. Mother's Day is an incredibly painful time for infertile women. You cannot get away from it-There are ads on the TV, posters at the stores, church sermons devoted to celebrating motherhood, and all of the plans for celebrating with your own mother and mother-in-law.
Mother's Day is an important celebration and one that I relish now that I am a mother. However, it was very painful while I was waiting for my baby. Remember your infertile friends on Mother's Day, and send them a card to let them know you are thinking of them. They will appreciate knowing that you haven't "forgotten" them.
Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments
No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes.
Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don't encourage them to try again, and don't discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don't try to open that chapter again.

Saturday, 2 June 2012

O Week

So one more week gone by, and it was O time! :P I really wasn't in the mood though as I've been so down lately. We managed to BD twice though, so hoping we caught the eggy. I think we missed actual O night, but go the night before so FX. Might (big MIGHT) BD again tonight in case of late O.


I try using all those fertility apps; My Days, Period Tracker and What To Expect Fertility, but they never seem to match up to each other and just confuse me more. :/ Grr.


My skins also getting really bad this week, my forehead is just blowing up with pimples which is really weird to me. Also had really dry cracked lips and dry scalp so I'm going to check out maybe I'm lacking some vitamins.
I'm really bad at remembering to take tablets so hopefully not ha ha.


I deleted my You tube intro video, I didn't like it so I'm going to make a new one next week. Maybe Tuesday, and I'll post it online and link it here. Then later in the week I'll do an update story and maybe a make-up/style one. I find it hard to do style ones as I wear a uniform 5 days a week so mostly my style is on weekends when DP is home and he doesn't get it.


Anyway, we are going out for dinner soon for my dear dads bday so I best get ready and go get him a present!

Saturday, 26 May 2012

New Design/Vlog

So I just started designing the page more so its prettier. Puuuurdy :P
Its always more interesting to read stuff when the page looks good haha.


I've also uploaded my first video onto Youtube. I'll give you a link so you can go watch it if you want, I'm not sure I like the video so if it disappears then thats why. But it will be replaced by a new one that I'm happier with.
I video'd on a bad angle and I wasn't really sure what I was saying haha.


http://youtu.be/e9pklUGTxDA <-- Theres the link. :)

Thursday, 24 May 2012

Getting creative

I have decided Im going to start a vlog type thing on Youtube about my journey also. So I will be doing these written blogs and video blogs online too. I've always wanted to have a Youtube channel, and I thought about a beauty/style one but I don't really buy enough clothes regularly or change my makeup around that often enough. Haha.


I have started taking my Blackmores Conceive Well tabs again, think I might have mentioned that last post too, so hoping like heck that it helps. Plus it makes my skin better :P 




:) Oh well, this was just a quick blog post as I've got to jump in the shower and wash off my hair dye.

Tuesday, 22 May 2012

AF Gone

Well AF has gone after her visit last week, she was unusually long n heavier which I found strange. Ohwell maybe my body needed it.


Next week should be O week, DP is looking forward to it. Haha, typical males ae.
Started taking my Blackmores Conceive Well tablets again to see if maybe they will help and hopefully get some of my levels up.
Plus for the last month my skin has been really bad in one area and im hoping this will fix it, my hairs also been quite bad. :/ The little things that annoy us ae haha.