Wake Me Up..

..when its over.

This next week is going to be a drag! School holidays means stressful work, less sleep, and more "how many days till O?" checks. AF left a week ago, and next weekend is meant to be O time, but I'm still waiting for my OPKs to arrive! I would like them ASAP as I'm not sure exactly when O will be because it's been late the last few times.
I also realised that in my first YouTube vid where I introduce myself etc I said that if I got pregnant this cycle that my birth date would be April. Well thats a bit of hit & miss.
Going by 1st day of last period the due date would be about 25th March, but going by conception date of O time it would be about 30th March. So technically it would be March due, but could be April born! I have my fingers crossed!

Speaking of YouTube, go check out my channel! http://www.youtube.com/user/OnceUponABFP?feature=mhee

So the next few weeks it might be a bit slow here as I will be busy so often I might not get that many posts in, but I will try get in my O post! :) Im kind of excited, normally im dreading it but for once I'm excited. I just have this feeling that the next time I get pregnant is it. Next time I WILL get my baby!

Argh, GTG! Visitors! :)

Mental Body..

My body is driving me mental! I've been getting tiny amounts of brown since AF went away, and I don't mind it as its such a small amount I don't need a tampon/pad.
But I've also had this really bad neck, woke up Friday unable to look left without pain and nausea. It's slowly been doing away since and today it seems fine.
Also have this weird feeling in my chest, between my ribs underneath the boobs. Its like some popping bubble beating thing, and when I put my fingers there I can feel it moving. It's annoying.

My body just can't be fine for one week! School holidays start next week and I'm going to be run off my feet, I don't need my body making me feel down.

Anyway, on happier notes. :) Had dinner the other night, and it was so good catching up with the three. No babies, no baby talk, just good old girls chat. And of course cocktails! We went to the pub after to meet up with DP and that was fun also, but I felt so sick and tired we left early.
On the weekend I caught up with one of them again at her house, and with her two kids. They were so cute! I had a cuddle and a play and I was fine, it was good. I just felt comfortable.
We all made plans to do dinner again next week. :) Going somewhere flash this time, but not going to town after.

I ordered some OPKs online also, so I will be using them this cycle. I decided I needed them as the chart I had been using wasn't accurate, I think since my last miscarriage all my periods and ovulation have gone off time. So last month it turned out I ovulated much later, so I totally missed the egg!

We have booked a weekend away for our 4 year anniversary in August, and I'm so excited! I will also be ovulating at that time. :P I know that's 2 cycles away so I'm not sure whether I want to do it this cycle or next, be kind of cool having Baby conceived on our anniversary.
Another reason its a special time is because that week is when the Twins were due. I'm sure DP knows this too but neither of us want to say it.

Everyone who reads this should also go to my Tattoos page and put down their thoughts/ideas. I know its my choice, as its for me, but its nice to hear others POV too.

Stupid Stupid

So as I think I posted AF turned up. I can't remember what night it was, Tuesday I think. But it is now Friday and she's left.
The thing that annoys me is that 1) she came late, and 2) I had 90% dark brown discharge and only 10% fresh blood. Whats up with that? What does that mean? What is my body doing?!

Grrr. Thinking perhaps that doctors appointment might be needed more than I thought.

Still Preparing + NWL

Gaaaah! Still just getting this STUPID brown discharge. Just bleed and get it over with AF! You are my least favourite Aunt. And that's saying something because I only have 2.


Had a very depressing night last night. Had a shower, had a hot drink, ate half a block of chocolate and cried myself to sleep finally at about 1am. Oh the joys of being a TTC woman receiving yet another period.
I thought I hated periods when I was 16-17, well geez I'd go back now if I could! They were a breeze.


I did make another video this morning, which is on my channel now, just to update where I am at. Which is what I like to call No-Womans-Land. Because, I am not a man. Clearly. However that could explain a few things...hahah kidding.
NWL is a special place I am currently residing as I am not "abnormal" enough for the medical system to step in and help, but I am not "normal" enough for my body to just work and have a baby. I'm sure I'm not alone in NWL, but it certainly feels it at times!


I have made a few decisions last night in my anger & sadness.

• I am getting a tattoo. I always wanted one one day when I knew it would mean something, this journey of loss means something to me. I will start a page and show you all some ideas on what I want, and get suggestions in the next few days. 
• I am also going to start a list of stupid things people have said to me during this time that cut deep, or are just plain insensitive. I carry them around with me and they make me angry, so maybe I can stick them to something else and not my mind.
• Friends are over-rated. My best friend has a newborn, 1 month on weekend just been, and I feel like now i'm just this "add-on" friend. She thinks shoving her child at me and me being "Aunty" is helping, look sometimes I just don't want to hold your baby. No, i don't hate him, I just want space. I want to approach this at my own pace. I also am not part of this special club, the 'Mummy Club'. ALL her other friends she hangs out with are Mums, and they go off and have play dates and plan things, but I'm not included. Obvs because I'm not a mum to a live baby. Well, sorry about it. I don't mind they do this, but ALL the time. Her partner is also planning to pop the question, and I was like "oh, wonder if he'll ask for some help and do a big surprise thing." Turns out he is, but no he's not going to ask me for help. He's asking the new best-friend, the one with a baby, though. Nice. Thanks. Excuse me while I plaster my face with a fake smile and plan for what dress I might wear, cause obvs its Mums Club for the bridal party.

I am doing dinner on Thursday night however with some friends that I haven't really spent time with lately. One is a mother to two, but she doesn't rub it in, she knows girl time is girl time and not brag about my babies time. One is a nanny, looks after children like I do. And the other is a miscarriage survivor and knows about my twins loss. So overall, I think I'm pretty excited. :)  DP doesn't like most of them, but DP doesn't like anyone. I swear, finding a female friend he likes is impossible! All of them annoy him in some way. Too bad.

Wow, this post is longer than I thought it would be. I would be able to keep going except I have got to get going to work. Eeek. :) TTFN. Maybe tomorrow AF will grace me with her presence and I will have something to look forward too.

Prepare..

Yes, prepare.

I believe AF is gracing me with her presence tomorrow. I had some brownish discharge today and have lots of CM.
So tomorrow I am sure to make a very emotional, depressive post. :) Just warning you all. Thanks.

Hurry Up Already!

So AF is taking her time getting here,was due on Friday and now its Sunday with no sign of her. She did that last time too... sneaky bitch. 


Oh well, in the mean time I am enjoying being AF free and not cramping. (Which i'm sure I'll wish I had now instead of during the working week) I am however, slightly reluctant to have a nice cold glass of Midori... just incase. 

So I Made a Vlog!

Yes, I did it. I have made a Vlog!
My journey is now also available as a video. Haha, for those who want to check it out here is a link to my first video.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN0mtHgHr_s&feature=plcp


I will be creating a page for my Vlogs soon on here. :)

Urgh...Do we have too?

The title of this post totally sums up how I feel about BDing. (baby dancing/sex). It is just a chore that I regretfully have to do in order to try have a baby.  If you don't want to read about it, then please skip the next three paragraphs. :)


I desperately would love to WANT to have sex instead of just NEED. But it just ins't like that, it never has been. I've never felt satisfaction from sex, minus one time when someone thought it would be funny to slip me an E, and since the Endo has decided to rear its ugly head its also become painful. And now I'm so turned off that I can't even get 'wet' down there. I don't care if I don't enjoy it, I just want to do it pain-free!
I know DP tries to understand this but its hard on him, and he doesn't understand why when he tries to make a move I say "stop it" and push him away. He just groans, rolls over and sulks himself to sleep. Theres been a few times he's done that and I've cried myself to sleep. I feel like i'm not fulfilling him, like im failing him as a partner. 


If anyone knows anything you can take to increase this drive, please let me know. I'm doing some research to see if maybe I can find something. I had to make this post today, even though its very TMI, but I had to finally be able to tell someone. Nobody else I know has this problem, so nobody 'gets' it. 


I almost feel like i'm stuck in some double-trap. Life won't let me have pain-free sex and then when I brave it Life won't give me the one thing I'm doing it for. Is there some cruel lesson life is trying to teach me?


OK, back to the clean stuff! :) AF is due in 2 days, I'm still expecting her to come knocking. Had the usual symptoms, bad skin last week which suddenly clears up overnight, hunger, tired. Haven't had the cramps yet though, but they usually show the day or night before. Perhaps the pyschic was right and next month is my month? I will hold on to this hope, and perhaps the faith and hope will make it come true. (Pfft, hasn't worked the last few years but hey, theres got to be a time when it does right?)


I really was hoping it would be soon, even if I don't make it to 13 weeks and I miscarry again im just so glad that it will be miscarriage number 3. Now that sounds like a stupid thing to say "Oh im miscarrying, but its ok because it's the third one!" but the NZ health system does not intervene and test/explore for reasons of infertility/miscarriage until you have had 3. Now THAT is stupid. Have they ever been through 2 miscarriages? Do they realise that 2 are enough to send woman into depression, panic, fear, anxiety and anger?  I even tried asking if miscarrying twins could count as 2. Apparently it doesn't. :( Sigh.


Oh well, this is my year. I am determined that 2012 is the year I will become a mum. Obv not give birth, but just in the view that I will make it to the 2nd trimester! 

Tired of Nothing

Well it's one week till AF is expected, and I say expected because I am indeed expecting her. I don't feel pregnant at all. 
Kind of down about it, but I'm so busy at work that I don't have time to even think about it! Plus bestfriend has been visiting few times this week with her NB. Loving seeing him, but I just want my own one. :( 


Found some mega cute crafts online that I want to make, but I don't want when I have nobody to put it on. Is it normal to feel like you don't want to give friends/family with children all the cute things? I mean, I want them for my kid.. so I don't want them having it.. but I feel selfish?


Been thinking so much lately. A while ago I got a reading done via email, all had to do was send my partner & I's birthdates and a picture of us to her and she sent back a reading. The stuff about me sounds very spot on, but I'm hoping shes not right about everything else cause I don't want to wait. And it's weird having it in the back of my mind all the time.
I might add it in as a document sometime if people want to read.


Got an exercycle today also, going to try loose some of my weight around my waist area/hips. Got baby making hips, but they also got  little extra chub round them. :/ I'm not overweight, I weigh about 48-50kg, but I do have some puppy fat. Which obvs might not be helping...


Anyway Im off to eat some scrummy choc ganache I found in my local supermarket and play Xbox Kinect. :) Kinda seems like contradictory actions.


xo Thinker


PS: Also a big HELLO and THANK YOU to my 2 followers. I never expected when I started this to get any! I will return the favour if you have blogs.

:/ Whoopsy... TMI

** WARNING, POSSIBLY A LITTLE TMI**


Well I'm so excited just knowing that MAYBE, just MAYBE I could be pregnant! However if whats going on with me right now is pregnancy symptoms then all I have to say is "WTF!"


I swear this is probably one of the most embarrasing things EVER to happen to me, but tonight for dinner we had Subway. (Mmmm...Teriyaki chicken, bacon, extra smoked cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickles and ranch dressing on Italian Herbs & Cheese)
Well about an hour later after finishing my foot long I thought "Oh need to do a little fart..." well blow me down I followed through... I stood up, accidentally knocked my laptop over and walked quick smart to the toilet. :O Whhhhy?


I'm not sure whether it was the fact I hadn't eaten anything else today, or that my body is just being weird as I've increasingly been having more bowel movements the last few days. But really, are they that bad now I can't even flex my cheeks without a dribble? :/


Other things my body has decided to plague me with this week are insomnia, extreme thirst and dry skin. Like scaly red dry skin..sandpaper. I first thought it was from accidentally putting a product containing something I was allergic to on my face but after moisturising and obviously stopping applying the product its just getting WORSE.


Also having a few language issues this week...brain and mouth not cooperating. I told my boss yesterday "Oh my vibrator just phoned.." :|  Hmm awkward...


Sigh. All I can hope is pleeeeease let this be for a good reason!

What If?

Up at night, insomnia and alone. I am trawling the internet bored and I stumbled across some beautiful photos/quotes and this AMAZING video.
Here I am, watching Drop Dead Diva at 11pm with just my cat curled up on my lap crying quietly so as not to wake DP. 


Just take a few minutes and watch this... what if it changes you?

xo Moved

2WW + Questions

Arrrgh the dreaded 2WW. :( It is the most stressful time, constant thoughts running through my mind... "What if I O'd late?" "Am I sure I O'd?" "Is this a possible symptom?" "Can I eat this...?" 


It is never-ending! Except obviously when you either get AF or that BFP. But the that opens a whole new can of worms!


If you get AF its "What did I do wrong this month?" "What can I do next month?" "Why do I do this?" "Why not me?"


If you get BFP its "Omg I can't eat this can I?" "Should I be doing this?" "Is that blood on the TP?" "How long will this last?"




Meanwhile back in the rest of the world people are sharing their news with everyone "I'm pregnant!". Recently my FB has been updated with lots of people announce pregnancies, and to my amazement they are all between 7-9 weeks. Do these people not understand that sooooo much can happen between now and 13 weeks? Would they be telling people if they had been through a m/c before?  And somewhere deep inside me it fills me with anger, they feel safe in their pregnancy and feel excitement. All I feel when I get mine is panic and dread. 


But can I tell these people how I feel, no. So many times I've wanted to say something on Facebook, just a post of a quote or a feeling, but I do not need my "friends" to know I am TTC. The constant "are you pregnant yet?" "Omg you would be such a good mum!" "I can't wait till you get pregnant!" "Have you tried .... ?" let alone the stuff I'd never hear, gossip. "Did you hear she's trying to get pregnant?" "I heard she .... and he .... " 


Thank god for my blog. And shows like Guilianna and Bill, publicly struggling so people can see that it is actually that hard for some people, including celebrities, and nothing is a guaranteed fix.  
Both are keeping me partially sane in this journey, now if only it could change the world and make others see....




xo Stressed & Hopeful

Good Read

I stumbled across this online and thought it was a very good read. Made me cry to be honest. It is a bit long yes and not all of it was not relative to each situation but its worth it!

Infertility Etiquette

Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than seven million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.

Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.

The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.

As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money.

A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:

• They will eventually conceive a baby.
• They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children.
• They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a foster parent.

Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don't know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support.

Don't Tell Them to Relax

Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile.

Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.

These comments can also reach the point of absurdity. As a couple, my husband and I underwent two surgeries, numerous inseminations, hormone treatments, and four years of poking and prodding by doctors. Yet, people still continued to say things like, "If you just relaxed on a cruise . . ." Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.

Don't Minimize the Problem

Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.

Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.

Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen

Along the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Getting raped? Losing a job?

Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the "worst" thing. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen.

People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don't tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility.

Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents

One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.

Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVF

In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man's sperm in a petri dish. This is the method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, "Why don't you just try IVF?" in the same casual tone they would use to ask, "Why don't you try shopping at another store?"

Don't Be Crude

It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.

Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy

This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.

The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.

Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes."

I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.

Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant

For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.

Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.

Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.

Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition

Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones.

Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband's sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized.

Don't Push Adoption (Yet)

Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process. When my husband and I went for our initial adoption interview, we expected the first question to be, "Why do you want to adopt a baby?" Instead, the question was, "Have you grieved the loss of your biological child yet?" Our social worker emphasized how important it is to shut one door before you open another.

You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.

Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. (The only words that ever offered me comfort were from my sister, who said, "Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will be a mother one day.") However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.

So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load. Here are a few ideas.

Let Them Know That You Care

The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren't going through this alone.

Remember Them on Mother's Day

With all of the activity on Mother's Day, people tend to forget about women who cannot become mothers. Mother's Day is an incredibly painful time for infertile women. You cannot get away from it-There are ads on the TV, posters at the stores, church sermons devoted to celebrating motherhood, and all of the plans for celebrating with your own mother and mother-in-law.

Mother's Day is an important celebration and one that I relish now that I am a mother. However, it was very painful while I was waiting for my baby. Remember your infertile friends on Mother's Day, and send them a card to let them know you are thinking of them. They will appreciate knowing that you haven't "forgotten" them.

Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments

No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes.

Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don't encourage them to try again, and don't discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don't try to open that chapter again.

O Week

So one more week gone by, and it was O time! :P I really wasn't in the mood though as I've been so down lately. We managed to BD twice though, so hoping we caught the eggy. I think we missed actual O night, but go the night before so FX. Might (big MIGHT) BD again tonight in case of late O.


I try using all those fertility apps; My Days, Period Tracker and What To Expect Fertility, but they never seem to match up to each other and just confuse me more. :/ Grr.


My skins also getting really bad this week, my forehead is just blowing up with pimples which is really weird to me. Also had really dry cracked lips and dry scalp so I'm going to check out maybe I'm lacking some vitamins.
I'm really bad at remembering to take tablets so hopefully not ha ha.


I deleted my You tube intro video, I didn't like it so I'm going to make a new one next week. Maybe Tuesday, and I'll post it online and link it here. Then later in the week I'll do an update story and maybe a make-up/style one. I find it hard to do style ones as I wear a uniform 5 days a week so mostly my style is on weekends when DP is home and he doesn't get it.


Anyway, we are going out for dinner soon for my dear dads bday so I best get ready and go get him a present!