Hurts A Lil

Today has been a good day. :) Spent a bit too much money, but overall its been good.

However, I still have had a few "ouch" moments. One physical, one emotional.
Physically all day I've been getting pains in the back of my thigh like its constantly tense and its SOOO uncomfy.

Emotionally someone disliked my video on YouTube. Yes that sounds stupid.
I make TTC Update videos on YouTube and also watch a few peoples journeys on there, and today I uploaded a video and just noticed someone has "disliked" it.  WHO DOES THAT? I'm not sure whether they were saying "i dislike that you are experiencing this" or "your video was gay". If it was the later, then who the EFF are you to do that?! Don't like it, don't watch, no need to kick me while i'm down. :(

Anyway, otherwise I am happy. La La La. :) 5DPO..totally bored and wanting next cycle to hurry up haha.
Does anyone else get that? I think it's nerves, kind of a "i want to be pregnant, but I dont at the same time because I dont want another miscarriage"

Hope everyone else is going along well! Shall g catch up on my reading now, both blogs and Fifty Shades Freed :P

Where To Start?

I'm back from my holiday, boo. This will probably be a short blog, and then in a few days I'll probably do a long one as I finally remember everything I want to write about.

Well whats been happening in my life?

• Moved into new house. And when I say new, I mean new. Brand spanking new and it's amazingly warm and comfortable. Can definately see this helping our journey as now I'm so much more relaxed and happy and warm!
• Had our 4 year anniversary last week, DP bought me some flowers and breakfast. We haven't bought proper presents yet as all our money that fortnight went into moving and weekend away.
• Went away for the weekend to the beach. Yes, beach in winter! It was amazing weather and warm, got to laze on the deck with a drink in the sun staring out over the sea. Bliss.
• Ovulated on Friday just been, very positive test. Yay! These OPKs are helpful as my P Tracker told me I wouldnt be ovulating yet, and My Days was saying that was the day and I had no idea which one to go off! Guess it was My Days for the win.
• That makes me now 3DPO and into the 2WW. Urgh. I'm not sure how I feel about it now, I was so confident this cycle, now I'm into the 2WW i'm just not sure. :/
• Started properly using my Fertility Friend chart today. So it looks absolutely boring with only one temp on it. I know, I know, today at 3DPO is not a good time to start charting! But if I didn't do it now then I'd never get around to it.
• I have resolved I NEED to go to the gym more, as in start. My thighs and my belly have expanded and I just don't want to wear tight tops anymore as I HATE the look of my gut. :(

So, that is all I can think of ATM. I do however also have a few questions for all you lovely ladies! (D will love this as it's about OPKs :P )

• On FF when charting, what do they consider a 'positive' OPK? Is that from when I first see a line, or is it when I first get the dark line thats stronger than the control?
• What's a normal temperature? I entered my 11am temperature (yes, not a good time) but that's when I remembered. I am going to start doing them when I wake up tomorrow onwards, but anyway at 11am today my temp was 36C. Compared to other peoples charts this is a very low temperature, I've been feeling cold a lot more than other people but whenever I've had a check up the Dr has never said anything? 

I feel like this charting thing is going to make me more obsessive compulsive about this TTC than before haha, I'll be always looking at my chart. 

I will be making a video hopefully on Wednesday, was hoping to today but I have run out of time before work. And tomorrow my friend is coming around, with her baby, urgh. I always dread this time. I used to look forward to her visits, now they are just filled with her pushing her baby at me. It's almost like she is trying to make me feel better about not being able to conceive by giving me her child for a few hours a week and honestly that's not what I want. Its not MY baby, I DON'T want YOUR baby.  Just let me admire him as I'd like and not push him at me like a teaching tool. I will learn how to parent when I become a parent, and when you try tell me about how to I become agitated and annoyed. I'm not a pet project.

Honestly, I am the type of person that when I become pregnant/a mother to a live baby if someone tries to tell me "Do this, do that" "This is how I do this.." "This is the right way to..." "I do..." etc I will dislike them. Obviously there are exceptions, such as nurses/midwife and my own parents. But everyone else I don't want to hear it, I want to learn it and live it myself, don't spoil this learning experience for me!

That was a bit of an unexpected rant. Lol. And now I must go to work, so until next time TTFN lovelies.

PS: Big congrats to D (http://mylifeisaboutthejourney.blogspot.co.nz/) on her BFP! :) FX for a happy healthy journey.

M.I.A

Hey everyone,

Just letting you all know we've moved house and the stupid Internet people connected our Internet to the neighbors so it won't be up and running till Friday. Gaaah. Plus we are going away this weekend because today is our 4 year anniversary! :) YAY. So won't be making any blogs/blogs until next week! Whiiiich will be just after/during O time, woohoo!

Have been OPKing this cycle do FX it helps :)

Anyway, until next week hope you are all doing superb and can't wait to catch up and see some BFPs!

Sigh CD8.

Today was NOT a good day. I feel like I blog more about bad things than good recently? Hmm must try remember to post good days too.

Anyway, I woke up today early and snoozed again for a bit. Then I got a text and I was stuck awake, I knew straight away that I was not going to have a good day. 

Started off pretty slow and easy just packing some stuff for our move this weekend.

I was just grumpy. Got grumpy at DP, got grumpy at BFF and grumpy at life.
It's almost like my AF side effects are a week late.

Tomorrow I am determined to have a better day. :) We are getting keys to our new place tomorrow which I am stoked about! We will probably start moving some boxes in. 

Packing is soooo annoying, I've packed the bathroom and our wardrobe completely. (Minus the basics out of bathroom we need) Lounge is mostly big items we can't put in boxes, Kitchen I am waiting till Friday to pack because we do need to eat, and the Spare bedroom is half packed and half not. I told DP that was his job. Hence why it is still in the state I left it.

Bonus, while I was in Spare room other day I did find a Basal Thermometer as I was packing some stuff! Never even knew we had one, I am planning on giving it a clean and then seeing if it still works. 

Combined with my first month of OPKing this is getting quite exciting. On the subject of OPK, I have a few questions for you all:

1) Whens the best time of day to do one?

2) What day do I start them? (I was thinking tomorrow or next day)

3) Is there anything I can't do around testing time?

Any help or feedback would be greatly appreciated! :)

Get to know me.

Hey everyone,

I recently made a video on my Youtube channel that answers a set of questions relating to TTC. If you want to check it out and get to know me a bit better, here is the link. :)
http://www.youtube.com/user/OnceUponABFP/videos

Your point?

I just had to make a post about this incident. I am so angry/sad/confused by it all.

If any of you have not heard/do not know of the song Small Bump by Ed Sheeran then this might be a bit more confusing, check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_af256mnTE

I recieved a text from BestFriend (who knows about everything) saying "Omg have you heard that new Ed Sheeran song on the radio?"
I knew she was talking about Small Bump, which I LOVE, and was thinking oh wonder if she just wants me to know the song exists due to its content/purpose.
Me: "Yeah I downloaded it ages ago because I loved it so much, but now its become mainstream its kind of killed it."
Her: "I thought it was so cute and I was like 'aww', then I heard the end and felt so sad."
Me thinking in my head 'Yeah, try living through it.' Obviously its different getting so far along and losing the baby, but its still a loss.
Me (texting back): "Yeah very. *then changed subject*"

After that we just text about other things so I thought the subject was done. Until later that day after I finished work I checked my phone. There was a text from her, and it read "Ooh so cute, *insert3montholdbabiesnamehere* just fell asleep as that song was playing!"

My reaction was just shock. Thoughts went a little like this, all mashed up in my head... Why the fuck are you telling me this? You realise its a song about a couple who lost their child? Why do you think I would want to know that your newborn healthy baby whom I had to see growing in you while I was going through 2 seperate miscarriages is falling to sleep to the song that I love and relate to because I have gone through said miscarriages? HOW IS THAT CUTE?! Are you trying to rub it in?

I told DP about it to see if perhaps I was over reacting, he just shook his head and goes "She's an idiot." and I could see he wanted to end the conversation as he was feeling down.

Are we over reacting? Did I take this overboard? I know (well i don't think so anyway) she wasn't trying to rub it in and hurt me, but I just don't see her purpose in texting me that? What was the point, and what was my reaction meant to be?

Before she got pregnant me and her were inseperable, we would always be at each others houses and hanging out. We got along about everything, just like most Best Friends.
Then she got pregnant, and I got the green eyed monster. We were still close but I did feel a big envy, but she wasn't really showing so I didn't mind and we got on as we did before. The I got pregnant and we were both so excited. Once I lost them everything changed, if you read previous blogs you would know why, but long story short I now don't feel the same. She is still a friend, but I feel closer to different friends now. Life? Yeap. I still refer to her as BestFriend as I just don't know what to do, and she hasn't changed her feelings...


Sigh. Now a positive! We got a new house, YAY! We move in a week exactly, I am sooo excited. It's a brand new place so it is lovely and has all we could need. :) It does mean there will be a few days where I have no internet however, but its not around O time so it shouldn't matter. Unless O comes early of course.

AF is still here I think, I wouldn't really know whether to say she is or isn't, all I'm getting is light brown discharge twice a day, and it's only about the size of a bottle cap. Had that the last 2-3 days. :/

Very strange! Please let me know if you've ever had this before and/or if you think I was over reacting to Friends text?

Strange. CD3

Well right when I start thinking "Oh wow AF showed up pretty much on time (1 day late is nothing) and it is actually proper red blood this time, not just the gross brown I had all last cycle."  She likes to surprise me again by leaving just as fast as she came.
Monday night had slightly caramel CM so knew she would be there when I awoke, and sure enough she came on Tuesday. Tuesday was as a normal CD1, red blood little bit of brown, and was medium flow. Wednesday was CD2, which usually is about the same as CD1 for me. But not this time, I had very light flow. Normally after CD3 I can sleep at night with no protection as nothing discharges, but I decided that as Wednesdays flow was so light I would do that early this time and went to bed feeling free.
Today, CD3 I may as well have not wasted a tampon. It was pretty much just brown CM again.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Before the m/c's my cycles were always on time, about 4-5 days long with first two days being medium flow and the last 2-3 light. After the m/c's the first one was extremely light, the second was late again but heavy for 1 day, medium 2, went away for a day and light for another 4, the third was late again and heavy for 1 day, medium 2 days, light for 4. Whyyy must you be so difficult and unpredictable? :(

Also, just wondering, when you have a light cycle is this because your endometrium/lining whatever you call it  was thin?
This scares me as now I wonder whether it is thick enough for a little eggy to burrow into. :( For someone with endometriosis I never thought I would worry about such a thing. Stupid thing can grow all over everywhere else but can't seem to do its job in the right place properly!