Sigh CD8.

Today was NOT a good day. I feel like I blog more about bad things than good recently? Hmm must try remember to post good days too.

Anyway, I woke up today early and snoozed again for a bit. Then I got a text and I was stuck awake, I knew straight away that I was not going to have a good day. 

Started off pretty slow and easy just packing some stuff for our move this weekend.

I was just grumpy. Got grumpy at DP, got grumpy at BFF and grumpy at life.
It's almost like my AF side effects are a week late.

Tomorrow I am determined to have a better day. :) We are getting keys to our new place tomorrow which I am stoked about! We will probably start moving some boxes in. 

Packing is soooo annoying, I've packed the bathroom and our wardrobe completely. (Minus the basics out of bathroom we need) Lounge is mostly big items we can't put in boxes, Kitchen I am waiting till Friday to pack because we do need to eat, and the Spare bedroom is half packed and half not. I told DP that was his job. Hence why it is still in the state I left it.

Bonus, while I was in Spare room other day I did find a Basal Thermometer as I was packing some stuff! Never even knew we had one, I am planning on giving it a clean and then seeing if it still works. 

Combined with my first month of OPKing this is getting quite exciting. On the subject of OPK, I have a few questions for you all:

1) Whens the best time of day to do one?

2) What day do I start them? (I was thinking tomorrow or next day)

3) Is there anything I can't do around testing time?

Any help or feedback would be greatly appreciated! :)

Body Schmody

So I am currently very angry at my body.

Since I had the miscarriage in March it has just not returned to normal, and I miss my old body. :( I don't like this "new normal" my body has decided upon.

1) My cycles are now 36 day average, not the old 28.
2) My hair is always frizzy/flyaways and frequent dandruff
3) Constantly chapped lips. I apply chapstick religiously and they just don't go away, perhaps due to number 4?
4) Sleep with my mouth open all the time. Whyyy?!
5) My neck/face has now got an acne issue, i mean I used to get pimples but now its like proper acne. Redness, groups of 'pimples' some of which are deep large bumps, they never seem to go away, and my pore's are huge!

I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and just cried. I hated myself. I still hate my body.

Has anyone else had this kind of thing happen? I would not mind all these if it meant I had my bundle of joy still with me, but really? I had to go through the loss and now live with these horrible stupid reminders.

So I Made a Vlog!

Yes, I did it. I have made a Vlog!
My journey is now also available as a video. Haha, for those who want to check it out here is a link to my first video.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN0mtHgHr_s&feature=plcp


I will be creating a page for my Vlogs soon on here. :)

2WW + Questions

Arrrgh the dreaded 2WW. :( It is the most stressful time, constant thoughts running through my mind... "What if I O'd late?" "Am I sure I O'd?" "Is this a possible symptom?" "Can I eat this...?" 


It is never-ending! Except obviously when you either get AF or that BFP. But the that opens a whole new can of worms!


If you get AF its "What did I do wrong this month?" "What can I do next month?" "Why do I do this?" "Why not me?"


If you get BFP its "Omg I can't eat this can I?" "Should I be doing this?" "Is that blood on the TP?" "How long will this last?"




Meanwhile back in the rest of the world people are sharing their news with everyone "I'm pregnant!". Recently my FB has been updated with lots of people announce pregnancies, and to my amazement they are all between 7-9 weeks. Do these people not understand that sooooo much can happen between now and 13 weeks? Would they be telling people if they had been through a m/c before?  And somewhere deep inside me it fills me with anger, they feel safe in their pregnancy and feel excitement. All I feel when I get mine is panic and dread. 


But can I tell these people how I feel, no. So many times I've wanted to say something on Facebook, just a post of a quote or a feeling, but I do not need my "friends" to know I am TTC. The constant "are you pregnant yet?" "Omg you would be such a good mum!" "I can't wait till you get pregnant!" "Have you tried .... ?" let alone the stuff I'd never hear, gossip. "Did you hear she's trying to get pregnant?" "I heard she .... and he .... " 


Thank god for my blog. And shows like Guilianna and Bill, publicly struggling so people can see that it is actually that hard for some people, including celebrities, and nothing is a guaranteed fix.  
Both are keeping me partially sane in this journey, now if only it could change the world and make others see....




xo Stressed & Hopeful