Your point?

I just had to make a post about this incident. I am so angry/sad/confused by it all.

If any of you have not heard/do not know of the song Small Bump by Ed Sheeran then this might be a bit more confusing, check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_af256mnTE

I recieved a text from BestFriend (who knows about everything) saying "Omg have you heard that new Ed Sheeran song on the radio?"
I knew she was talking about Small Bump, which I LOVE, and was thinking oh wonder if she just wants me to know the song exists due to its content/purpose.
Me: "Yeah I downloaded it ages ago because I loved it so much, but now its become mainstream its kind of killed it."
Her: "I thought it was so cute and I was like 'aww', then I heard the end and felt so sad."
Me thinking in my head 'Yeah, try living through it.' Obviously its different getting so far along and losing the baby, but its still a loss.
Me (texting back): "Yeah very. *then changed subject*"

After that we just text about other things so I thought the subject was done. Until later that day after I finished work I checked my phone. There was a text from her, and it read "Ooh so cute, *insert3montholdbabiesnamehere* just fell asleep as that song was playing!"

My reaction was just shock. Thoughts went a little like this, all mashed up in my head... Why the fuck are you telling me this? You realise its a song about a couple who lost their child? Why do you think I would want to know that your newborn healthy baby whom I had to see growing in you while I was going through 2 seperate miscarriages is falling to sleep to the song that I love and relate to because I have gone through said miscarriages? HOW IS THAT CUTE?! Are you trying to rub it in?

I told DP about it to see if perhaps I was over reacting, he just shook his head and goes "She's an idiot." and I could see he wanted to end the conversation as he was feeling down.

Are we over reacting? Did I take this overboard? I know (well i don't think so anyway) she wasn't trying to rub it in and hurt me, but I just don't see her purpose in texting me that? What was the point, and what was my reaction meant to be?

Before she got pregnant me and her were inseperable, we would always be at each others houses and hanging out. We got along about everything, just like most Best Friends.
Then she got pregnant, and I got the green eyed monster. We were still close but I did feel a big envy, but she wasn't really showing so I didn't mind and we got on as we did before. The I got pregnant and we were both so excited. Once I lost them everything changed, if you read previous blogs you would know why, but long story short I now don't feel the same. She is still a friend, but I feel closer to different friends now. Life? Yeap. I still refer to her as BestFriend as I just don't know what to do, and she hasn't changed her feelings...


Sigh. Now a positive! We got a new house, YAY! We move in a week exactly, I am sooo excited. It's a brand new place so it is lovely and has all we could need. :) It does mean there will be a few days where I have no internet however, but its not around O time so it shouldn't matter. Unless O comes early of course.

AF is still here I think, I wouldn't really know whether to say she is or isn't, all I'm getting is light brown discharge twice a day, and it's only about the size of a bottle cap. Had that the last 2-3 days. :/

Very strange! Please let me know if you've ever had this before and/or if you think I was over reacting to Friends text?

Still Preparing + NWL

Gaaaah! Still just getting this STUPID brown discharge. Just bleed and get it over with AF! You are my least favourite Aunt. And that's saying something because I only have 2.


Had a very depressing night last night. Had a shower, had a hot drink, ate half a block of chocolate and cried myself to sleep finally at about 1am. Oh the joys of being a TTC woman receiving yet another period.
I thought I hated periods when I was 16-17, well geez I'd go back now if I could! They were a breeze.


I did make another video this morning, which is on my channel now, just to update where I am at. Which is what I like to call No-Womans-Land. Because, I am not a man. Clearly. However that could explain a few things...hahah kidding.
NWL is a special place I am currently residing as I am not "abnormal" enough for the medical system to step in and help, but I am not "normal" enough for my body to just work and have a baby. I'm sure I'm not alone in NWL, but it certainly feels it at times!


I have made a few decisions last night in my anger & sadness.

• I am getting a tattoo. I always wanted one one day when I knew it would mean something, this journey of loss means something to me. I will start a page and show you all some ideas on what I want, and get suggestions in the next few days. 
• I am also going to start a list of stupid things people have said to me during this time that cut deep, or are just plain insensitive. I carry them around with me and they make me angry, so maybe I can stick them to something else and not my mind.
• Friends are over-rated. My best friend has a newborn, 1 month on weekend just been, and I feel like now i'm just this "add-on" friend. She thinks shoving her child at me and me being "Aunty" is helping, look sometimes I just don't want to hold your baby. No, i don't hate him, I just want space. I want to approach this at my own pace. I also am not part of this special club, the 'Mummy Club'. ALL her other friends she hangs out with are Mums, and they go off and have play dates and plan things, but I'm not included. Obvs because I'm not a mum to a live baby. Well, sorry about it. I don't mind they do this, but ALL the time. Her partner is also planning to pop the question, and I was like "oh, wonder if he'll ask for some help and do a big surprise thing." Turns out he is, but no he's not going to ask me for help. He's asking the new best-friend, the one with a baby, though. Nice. Thanks. Excuse me while I plaster my face with a fake smile and plan for what dress I might wear, cause obvs its Mums Club for the bridal party.

I am doing dinner on Thursday night however with some friends that I haven't really spent time with lately. One is a mother to two, but she doesn't rub it in, she knows girl time is girl time and not brag about my babies time. One is a nanny, looks after children like I do. And the other is a miscarriage survivor and knows about my twins loss. So overall, I think I'm pretty excited. :)  DP doesn't like most of them, but DP doesn't like anyone. I swear, finding a female friend he likes is impossible! All of them annoy him in some way. Too bad.

Wow, this post is longer than I thought it would be. I would be able to keep going except I have got to get going to work. Eeek. :) TTFN. Maybe tomorrow AF will grace me with her presence and I will have something to look forward too.